Act like a LADY, Think like a BOSS

Chapter 25: Dear Derek

Picture of Erin (Emma Roberts!)

“So whats the plan today kiddo?” my dad smiled as he reached across the table for his morning newspaper, “It’s a Saturday, you kids have any plans?”

“Of course Dad,” I replied monotonously while chasing the oatmeal down my throat with a sip of milk, “Do you?”

My dad pretended not to notice my unenthusiastic response, “Yeah, your mom and I are heading out to dinner and dancing with some friends. Who are you hanging out with? Your friends?”

I rolled my eyes, like I had that many friends to begin with. 

“Savannah like always,” I mumbled and spooned another bite of Quaker oatmeal into my mouth, “Who else dad?”

“Erin.” Slowly putting down his cup of coffee, my dad frowned.

“You always hang with Savannah. Don’t get me wrong, she’s a sweet girl but don’t you think you should hang out with other people? Make more friends? Reunite with old ones?”

“No,” I muttered, “I like hanging out with her. Just her.”

My dad let out a long sigh and muttered under his breath something I assume I wasn’t suppose to hear.

“She’s living in a vacuum.”

A vacuum, how accurate.

I cleared my throat twice and my dad looked up startled.

“So how’s school?”

“It’s okay.”

Going back to regular public school was a big jump for me regardless of the fact that my time at West Montgomery was only limited to seven months. Everything was a drag and frankly a huge bore. WM’s rigorous curriculum had already covered the entire second semester so going to school was basically useless; it was all just one big review.

Of course people questioned where I disappeared to over the last few months but I used a white lie. I was participating in a foreign student exchange program. Rumors of me going to an asylum after breaking down at Trevor’s funeral still wafted around the school but I didn’t let them bother me; why should I? Savannah was my only friend at school; she had flown back two weeks after I went home and was having a long distant relationship with Adam.

We tried to keep things light; tried to avoid triggering thoughts that reminded us of the WM experience. But that was difficult.

Everything was different; not just at school but at home as well.

My parents tried to be more optimistic now that their only child was broken beyond repair. They were extremely cautious around me; careful not to say anything that would open up my scars. Oh how I wish I could just run up to my parents and hug them. How I wish I could tell them it’s not their fault, how it was all my own doing. How I wish they wouldn’t look at me with such sad eyes. How I wish Trevor was back. Wish Derek loved me. But my greedy wishes were impossible to fulfill.

I looked different myself.

I stopped wearing contacts so glasses were always perched on the bridge of my nose. My hair was constantly up; I didn’t cut it but it was impossible to leave it down. I had grown too accustomed to wearing a wig. I was still of the same weight though I quit the cross country team at school. I stopped racing.

I stopped being me.

“Erin, Savannah just called, she’s on her way over,” my mom chirped as she danced into the kitchen with her daily mug of Lipton’s tea much to my dad’s disappointment.