The Beginning and the Memory// 13RW

07 The Truth

I wanted to get out of there. But where would I go? And how would I get there? I was too weak to walk. Or just too weak to try. Then, an unlikely hero came my way. But now I wonder if we would have both been better off staying at the party. Sheri, this ones for you."

I felt numb. I wanted to scream, I wanted to cry, and I wanted to die, all at the same time. I wish the crash would have killed me like it killed Jeff. It wasn't fair, that I got out alive and he didn't.
This was Sheri's fault.
She had been acting like she was my friend this whole time, putting on the act that nothing even happened. She knew that my condition was her fault this whole time and yet she let me believe that she was my friend. If she would have reported the stop sign being down, Jeff would be alive, and I would be walking.
Life isn't fair.
None of this is fair.

"Are you okay?"
I looked up at Cara as she was making me do a toe touch, where I had to pull my feet back towards me and put pressure on my legs.
"Yeah," I lied, focusing on the toe touch.
I sighed after a minute or so, sitting up.
Cara wrote something down on the clipboard, "good job, Emm, we're getting closer!"
"What would you do if you received tapes from your dead best friend giving you reasons on why her life ended, and you were one of the reasons?"
Cara looked at me, confused. "Uhm, I don't know," she shook her head, "why? Are you writing a story?"
I gave an airy laugh, "yeah.. it's for school. forget I asked."
"Okay.." Cara inspected me, then we continued our session.

I could tell that I was making progress, and the doctors told me that I would walk eventually, they just didn't know how long it would take. I still couldn't help but feel discouraged. I just wanted to be able to walk now. But we don't always get what we want, I guess.

I knocked on the door of the Atkins house, deciding to finally face them. The accident wasn't mine or Jeff's fault. It was Sheri's, and they needed to know that.
The door opened, revealing Mrs. Atkins holding a tissue to her nose.
"Emmalee," she breathed, "Come in, please."
Mr. Atkins was siting at the table, his hands folded in front of his mouth, his elbows propped onto the table.
"We just got the news from Clay," Mrs. Atkins told me, bending down to pull me into an embrace.
"I'm so sorry that we ever thought you two were drunk driving."
I sighed in relief, reaching up to hug her back. I wasn't expecting that I would end up crying, but I did.
"I'm sorry," I sniffed.
"So much has happened in these past few weeks," Mrs. Atkins rubbed my back, "it's okay to let it out."
"We should've just stayed at the party," I whispered, "Jeff would still be here if we would have stayed-"
She held me at arms length and looked me in the eyes, "we can't change the past. Even though I wish Jeff was here, so so badly, we can't go back and change things. And don't blame yourself."
I just nodded, even though I would continue to blame myself for a long time. I let him leave. It was my fault.

"Are you Alright, Emm?"
I looked up from the plate filled with food to find my mothers worried expression.
"Yeah," I picked around at my food for a little bit longer before I set my fork down, looking across the table. I wasn't hungry. I couldn't stop thinking about the tapes, and how things were getting worse.
"No," I told her, my eyes becoming a pool of tears. "I'm not alright."
She pushed herself out of her chair and made her way to my side in seconds, pulling me into a tight embrace. She rubbed my back while I cried into her shoulder.
I wanted to tell her about the tapes. I wanted to tell her about everything. But I couldn't. It didn't feel right listening to the tapes, but it was her voice. Hannah's voice was something I never thought I'd hear again. I couldn't throw that away. I couldn't just stop listening to the tapes. Hannah was telling her story, and I, as her best friend, needed to finish listening.

AN//

I am so sorry this chapter is all over the place and it sucks, but I felt like I needed to update