The Beginning and the Memory// 13RW

04 Saviors and Apologies

"He's not coming."
I sighed, bringing Hannah her second milkshake of the night while she waited for her dollar valentine to arrive.
"Maybe you should go home, Han," I told her, squeezing her shoulder.
She stirred her shake with the straw, staring down at it. "I would rather be waiting on Helmet right now."
"You wouldn't have to wait on him," I shrugged, "good, interested guys always show up on time. Why did you agree to meet with Marcus? After what he said to you?"
She groaned, "I don't know, Clay just doesn't seem interested. He's the one that told me to call Marcus."
"Oh my god, Hannah," I slid into the set across from hers, "Clay is so interested in you. I don't know how you don't see it."
She shrugged, staring at her milkshake before taking a sip.
The bell on the door rang, indicating someone coming inside the diner. I turned around and saw that it was Marcus, but he brought some of the guys.
I gave Hannah a look before I stood up.
"Oh, is this seat taken?" Marcus asked Hannah. I rolled my eyes, turning away and walking behind the counter.
I looked to the table where Marcus's crew sat down, catching Zach's eye. He looked guilty, and he quickly broke eye contact with me. Something bad was going to happen.

I stared at the wall when I was finished listening to Marcus Cole's tape. I was there that night, working at Rosie's Diner. Hannah was devastated, and Zach stayed there with her to comfort her even though she ignored him the whole time. It was sweet, but nothing could erase the damage of what Marcus had done.
I remembered the first time I met Marcus.

"Hannah, hey!"
Hannah turned and waited for me to catch up with her at school the next day, laughing that I was out of breath from jogging.
"Hey, Emm," she pointed at my heels, "that's pure talent- being able to run in heels."
I laughed, looking down at my feet then shrugging, "took tons of hard work and practice."
We started walking together, earning stares from everyone on the front lawn. They whispered to each other, and I could tell it made Hannah uncomfortable.
"You know, I'm probably bad for your reputation," Hannah told me, pursing her lips together.
I rolled my eyes, linking my arm in hers, "please," I laughed, "if anything, I'm bad for your reputation, Hannah Baker."
"Hey, Hannah, is your new friend aware that you're an easy whore?" A mixed boy laughed, fist bumping his friends. Hannah hung her head, and I lifted it with my finger before turning towards the boy.
"Her new friend is fully aware that you are an asshole," I laughed, tapping his nose with my finger, "and she's also pretty sure that eleven times out of ten, you never even had a chance."
The hallway erupted in ooh's and laughs as the mixed boy looked around; his face red with embarrassment.
"Ooh, Marcus, she got youuuuuu!" A boy from the so called Marcus's group slapped his back as he laughed with everyone else.
I turned away, satisfied, and linked my arm in Hannah's once again.
Hannah grinned, letting out a small laugh, "you really didn't have to do that."
I shrugged, looking at her with a smile, "I know."

She should have known better than to think that Marcus would be any different than the others, but I understood that she was never really interested in Marcus. She wanted Clay. But Clay never outright said that he was interested, so nothing ever happened. And it's a shame.
My heart was heavy. I just felt so empty and lost without Hannah. I wish I could have seen her, and kept her alive. I wish I would have never left Jess's fucking party. It took everything in me to put in the next tape and listen to the hurt in Hannah's voice again.
I took a deep, shaky breath before pressing play.

"Hey, ladies, what's goin on?"
I recognized the voice as Zach Dempsey, and I began to pack up my things because from common knowledge I learned that where one jock appears, the others come shortly after. I didn't want to put Hannah through that, I knew how much she couldn't stand the comments that came out of their mouths.
"Hey, don't worry, it's just me." Zach seemed to understand, so I set my bag back onto the ground.
"What do you want, Zach?" Hannah looked up at him- hurt flashing through her eyes.
"How are you?" He asked her, genuinely looking sorry.
"I'm fine," Hannah put on the best fake smile that she could, but I couldn't stand seeing that.
"Should I go?" I asked, getting ready to stand up and leave, but Hannah reached out to grab my arm. I looked at her pleading eyes, and I sat back down.
"No, it's okay, stay." Hannah looked from me to Zach. Zach looked from Hannah to me.
"Hannah, look, I'm really sorry about what I did to you.. I should've never done it, I was just..." Zach sighed, running his hands through his hair, "I was just trying to protect you. From Bryce, and Monty, and all of them."
Hannah looked him in the eyes, "what other harm could they have done to me, Zach? Everyone already thinks I'm a slut because of them."
Zach pursed his lips together, "I didn't want to see you hurt anymore. And I still don't. Because you're a good person, Hannah Baker, and you don't deserve any of the hate you get."
Hannah looked down at her open textbook, "thanks, Zach, but I can't help but feel like everything you just said is bullshit."
Hannah slammed the book shut and stood from her chair, slinging her backpack over her shoulder and walking away.
I sighed, running my hands through my hair before standing up and grabbing my bag. I was about to follow after Hannah when Zach gently grabbed my arm.
I looked down at him with sympathy, "what did you expect, Zach? For her to jump back into your arms and forget about what you did?"
He shook his head, standing up as well. I now had to look up at him, since he was towering over me.
"I just needed to apologize, because I have a feeling that if I didn't, I would regret it for the rest of my life."
He let go of my arm before turning and walking away, leaving me alone at the table. I sighed, running my hands through my hair once again before leaving the cafe to find Hannah.

Hannah didn't mention the relationship between her and Zach on his tape, because it was supposed to be their little secret. Well, Zach wanted it to be their little secret. He kept her hidden from the guys, even though they both truly loved each other.
Yeah, he stole her compliments from her bag. But he kept the note. He showed it to me one day, telling me he was worried about Hannah. I thought it was sweet, but it would have been so much better if he would have just talked to her himself. Maybe it could have helped her. Maybe she would be alive right now.
I shook my head at myself. I was no better than Zach.

I looked up at the sound of little taps on my bedroom window, sitting and waiting for it to happen again. When it did, I pulled the curtain back, revealing Justin.
I furrowed my eyebrows in confusion, unlocking the window and pushing it up.
"Justin? What are you doing here?" I asked him, letting him climb inside so he wasn't out in the cold.
When he got inside, he sat on my bed, rubbing his hands together nervously. He was fighting tears, and it hurt my heart.
I didn't pressure him to tell me what was going on, but I waited for him to look at me and tell me on his own.
"I.." He started, running a hand through his hair. He wouldn't look at me, he just stared at the floor.
"I know that you and Hannah were best friends," he told me, "and I know you've listened to the tapes, so you probably hate me so much," he sighed, "but I want you to know, since I can't tell her, that..." he sniffed, "I'm so sorry for what I did. Or, for what Bryce did, but I should've never let him do it in the first place. Any of it."
I reached out, laying my hand on his arm. My actions caused him to finally look at me. His eyes were bloodshot, puffy and red. Tears stained his cheeks, and I glanced down at the marks on his neck.
"Oh my god, Justin," I reached up to touch the bruises, but he flinched away.
"My mom's boyfriend's back," he muttered, sniffing afterwards.
"Do you need a place to stay?" I asked, searching his eyes.
"I was on my way to Bryce's.." he started, "but I looked at your house, and saw that you were home, and I had to get this all off my chest."
I nodded, sitting back in my chair, "I understand, but if you would like to stay here, you can."
I really just wanted Justin to stay, because I really wanted someone to be there with me. I felt so alone these days, it was nice to have someone around, even if it was just for a night.
"Thanks, Emm," Justin said quietly.
I ran my thumb in circles on the play button on the Walkman, wanting to listen to the last few tapes. I was so close to the end.
"It sucks," I said, looking up at Justin, "listening to these tapes, and not listening to her in person."
Justin nodded slowly, looking down at his hands, "Yeah, it does."
I waited a little bit longer before I asked, "do you mind if I listen while you're here?"
Justin shifted uneasily, "how far are you?"
"I'm on reason 8," I told him quietly. I felt so guilty just listening to these tapes and not telling anyone about them.
"Okay," he nodded slowly.
I put my earbuds in, pressing play on the Walkman.

AN// short chapter but I wanted to update

-Sky