The Beginning and the Memory// 13RW

05 We're Going Somewhere

I woke up in my bed the next morning, squinting at the light that shone in through the window. I didn't remember getting myself into bed, I remembered falling asleep in my wheelchair because Justin had fallen asleep on my bed and I didn't want to wake him up. I fell asleep right after I finished Ryan Shavers tape. Hannah sounded so hurt and betrayed, and I remembered her telling me that Ryan stole the poem from her journal. She had showed me the missing torn out pages, and she was embarrassed. The poem was too personal to her, and people were making fun of her for it.
She had cried to me for an hour or so, and I ended up taking her out to get ice cream and see a movie. It cheered her up for the time being, but I know it still bothered her. She just kept it on the inside.

Justin was gone, nowhere in sight.
I stared at the wheelchair in front of me, loathing it. I sighed, then struggled to get out of bed and into the chair on my own.
I looked down at my feet, wiggling my toes. If I could do that, why couldn't I just walk?
"Baby steps, Emm," I mumbled the words of Cara mockingly to myself, rolling my eyes.

"Miss Andrews?"
I dropped my book on the floor at the sound of Mr. Porter's voice behind me, cussing as I bent over to grab it. Mr. Porter grabbed it for me, handing it to me.
"Thanks," I told him, placing it in my lap.
"Anytime," he told me, "Emmalee, I'd like to speak with you, if you don't mind."
"Umm, I'm actually busy right now," I told him, "gotta make up the homework I missed yesterday."
"Okay," he nodded, knowing I wasnt telling the truth. I didn't have any homework to make up. I just didn't want to talk.
"I would like you to stop in sometime, if you need to get a few things off your chest."
"Thanks, yeah, I will," I nodded, tapping my fingers on my book while I waited for him to turn and walk away.
I waited at my locker for Zach to come up to me like he usually did, but when there was only one minute before the tardy bell and Zach still hadn't shown up, I left my locker and went to class. I looked around for Clay when I got there, but he was nowhere in sight. Justin wasn't there either.
"Alright, class, since it has become an issue all around the world, we're going to discuss the signs of someone going to or thinking about committing suicide and how to prevent it."
I accidentally scoffed out loud, causing everyone to look at me.
"I'm sorry, Miss Andrews, is there a problem?"
"Uh, yeah, actually," I laughed slightly, "why didn't we talk about this before Hannah killed herself?"
"Because there was no way we could have known-"
"That's bullshit," I cut her off, "everyone in this whole damn school was aware that Hannah was being bullied, and that she didn't take it very lightly. It's just that no one cared enough to help her."
"Miss Andrews, watch your language."
I rolled my eyes, closing my textbook. "Fuck this class, and fuck this school. Hannah deserved better than this."
I left the room, not waiting for the line "Hannah made the decision on her own," and stopped in the hallway. I found Alex Standall violently ripping the anti-suicide posters from the walls, and Clay was right beside him.
"Why don't they put up a poster that says 'don't be a fucking dick to people'? Why don't we put up that poster?"
"Hey, thatd be cool with me. I try not to be a dick," Clay said calmly.
"Yeah, we all try," Alex responded, then Clay said something that was inaudible before I quickly made my way over to where they were standing, neither of them noticing me.
"Those posters were bullshit anyway," I spoke up, causing both of them to jump slightly and look at me.
"Jesus, Emm," Alex let out a breath, "What are you doing out here?"
I shrugged, "couldn't take the "dont kill yourself" lectures."
"What are you guys doing"
We all looked over to the stairs to see Tyler walking down, holding his camera.
"I'm recruiting Clay and Emm for the illuminati. You wanna join?" Alex rolled his eyes, and Tyler stepped in a bit closer.
"Alright, Alex, look you should not joke about the Illuminati, first of all," Tyler said in a hushed tone, "trust me. What are you guys talking about?"
"Homework," Clay and I responded in unison, looking at each other afterwards.
"We've got a project," Clay said.
"Yeah, right, the project. The only class you all have together is gym." Tyler said, know-it-all like.
"Okay, it's creepy that you even know that," Alex shook his head, "just go away."
Tyler huffed before walking away, leaving the three of us alone in the hallway.
"Were you guys talking about the tapes?" I asked, and Alex quickly shushed me as Mr. Porter walked down the hallway.
"Shouldn't you all be in class?" Mr. Porter asked, looking between the three of us.
"Yeah, actually, I was just leaving class," I told him, then quickly added, "to talk to you."
He raised his eyebrows, "you get your homework done?"
"Mhm," I nodded.
Mr. Porter took Alex and I to his office. He invited Clay to come but, lucky him, he got out of it.

I won't bore you with what happened in Mr. Porter's office. It was awkward, and I don't know why Mr. Porter was trying to help us, but he didn't try to help Hannah. None of it made any sense.
I waited for Zach by my locker, but he never showed up. I pulled my phone out of my bag, shooting him a text.

Me: hey, u at school today?

Dempsey🙄: nah, didn't feel like going. Why? U looking for me?😏

Me: no🙄

I sighed, shutting my phone off. At least school was almost over.

"Hey, Emm, have you seen Justin?" Jessica walked up to me after school, looking worried.
I shook my head, "no, why? Is everything okay?"
She ran her hands through her messy hair, looking down at her phone, "Yeah, I just need to talk to him."
We sat there in silence for a second before she looked up at me from her phone. She noticed the Walkman on my lap, while I had one earbud in.
"Don't believe everything you hear," Jessica warned me, "okay?"
I nodded slowly before she hurried off, bringing her phone up to her ear. I heard her say, "Justin, pick up the fucking phone I need to talk to you," before she was completely out of earshot.
"Psst!"
I turned around, spotting Zach hiding behind a bush. I laughed at him, shaking my head.
"What the hell are you doing?" I asked him, wheeling myself over to the bush. He stood up, pushing my wheelchair for me.
"We're gonna go somewhere," he told me, smile on his face.
"You're not gonna kill me or something, are you?" I asked, laughing slightly at the end. But when he didn't answer, I got scared.
"Chilllll, im not gonna kill you," he laughed, and stopped when we got to his car.
"Zach, you don't have to-"
He picked me up swiftly, without trouble, placing me gently into his passenger seat. I stared at him, but he paid no mind. He folded my chair, putting it in the backseat before he got into the drivers seat.
"Where are we going?" I asked, looking out the window. We were headed outside of town.
"It's a surprise," Zach laughed slightly.
I looked over at him and smiled before turning back towards the window.

After awhile, Zach came to a stop and put the car in park. We were at the amusement park. I instantly felt my stomach turn inside out.
"We're here," Zach told me, lookin over at me with a smile.
"Zach, why are we here?" I asked softly, listening to the screams of people on the rides through the rolled down windows of the car.
"Remember, this was our first date," he told me, then held up hid finger, "well, double-date."
I nodded slowly, "me and you, and Hannah and Justin."
We sat in silence for a minute or so, reminiscing, until Zach spoke up again.
"Wanna go?"
I looked at him, grinning. "Of course I do."

"Come on guys, let's gooo!!"
I was the first one out of the car, followed by Zach, who ran up to me and spun me around.
Hannah and Justin were talking in the backseat, but I was itching to get on the rides.
"Oh my god, you two, we can talk when we get inside," I gestured to the gates of the amusement park, raising my eyebrows at them.
They laughed, and Hannah rolled her eyes at me.
"Okay, okay, we're coming," she laughed, "keep your panties on, Emm."
"No promises," I winked at her, and we all laughed. I grabbed Zach's hand, and smiled up at him. He smiled back down at me. Hannah always told me that Zach looked at me as if I were the stars and more, and I would always disagree and tell her if anything, that's how Justin looked at her.

Zach pushes me up the hill, and we talk about all of the things that happened when we had all been here together. It was the best day ever, I would never forget it.
"How am I even going to get on these rides now," I sighed, "I'm a veggie."
Zach laughed, "you're not a veggie, Emm. You'll be okay, I'll help you."
"I hope you're right," I sighed again, but couldn't help the smile that kept creeping onto my face.

Zach was right. We rode everything, and due to my disability, we got to skip the line. That was probably the only good thing about it.
"I didn't realize how much I needed this," I shook my head as we left the park. The sun had gone down a little bit ago, being replaced by all of the stars and the moon. I looked up at the sky, smiling.
"Did I do a good job?" Zach asked, looking down at me.
I laughed softly, "Yeah, you did." I looked back at him. He looked so cute, and his smile lit up the whole world.
"Thank you," I told him as we approached the Audi. We stopped, Zach opened the door, bending down to pick me up. I grabbed his face in my hands, causing him to stop in his tracks and look me in the eyes.
I ran my thumb lightly across his cheek, pulling his face to mine. I placed my lips on his, my hand moving to the back of his neck. He kissed me back, placing his hand on my cheek.
"I love you," he blurted out, then quickly apologized, thinking that he had messed everything up.
I laughed, touching his cheek again, "I love you, too."