The Beginning and the Memory// 13RW

15 Breaking Point

Zach

      "I don't think Emmalee's doing so well."
      I looked at Alex, then across the hall at Emm staring glumly at Hannah's locker. I pursed my lips.
     "She told me she saw Hannah the other day, when I was testifying."
     "No shit?"
     I exhaled through my nose, turning to look at Justin, the bags under his eyes a dark purple.
     "She's just having a hard time," I told the both of them, turning to look at her again, "but she's strong. She's gonna be okay."
      For some reason, the words left a bad taste on my tongue. I knew they were lies, and I knew that I needed to keep an extra close eye on her now more than ever.

Emmalee

      I stared at Hannah's locker, watching as the janitor removed the stickers and pictures and cleared it for a new student. Someone should warn them about the dangers of bullying here, and that they were now using a dead girls locker to hold their things.
       My expression had stayed blank for the passed few days, and I felt nothing inside me. It was as if a switch had been flipped, and I just felt empty. No emotion, no energy, no motivation, very little talking. Just a huge, empty nothing.
      "Emm, you okay?"
      Zach could always tell when something was wrong, but of course I was going to lie to him and say that I was fine. How could I even explain what was going on in my head, anyway? It didn't even make sense to me, why would it make sense to him?
     "I'm fine," the lie came out in a monotone as I stared at Hannah's now empty locker. It was just an ordinary locker now, just like everyone else's. I couldn't stand to look at it anymore. I turned to my own locker, grabbing my books from the very bottom.
      "Let me help you," Zach leaned down, but I pulled the books into my lap.
      "It's fine. I got it."
     "I see that," Zach nodded, "Emm, what's wrong? You've been a little off since.. you know."
      "Zach, I told you I'm fine," I started to wheel myself away, "just leave it alone."
      "Emm," he called after me, but I had already turned into my first class.
     All I could think about was Hannah bleeding to death right in front of me. Her empty seat haunted me now more than ever. The sound of her voice rang through my mind a thousand times, her pain passing itself onto me. All I could think about was going home and slicing my skin once again, the way that Hannah did to take her pain away.

Zach

      I looked around frantically for Emm during lunch with Justin right by my side. I was worried sick, she hadn't spoken to me or anyone all day.
     "Justin, dude, where the hell is she?" I ran my hands through my hair, closing my eyes tightly trying to think of where she could be.
     "Wait," Justin pushed his hand to my chest, holding his pointer finger to the air, "you don't think.."
     I dropped my arms to my side, "What? I don't think what?"
     He looked me sadly in the eyes, "we need to check her house, man."
     My eyes widened as realization hit me, "oh, fuck, dude. Come on!"
     I ran out of the cafeteria with Justin on my heels, causing everyone to stare. I didn't care at that moment, I just needed to make sure Emm was safe.

Emmalee

      I sat in the bathroom glumly, staring at my freshly scarred arms while I tightly gripped the blade in between my pointer finger and thumb.
     Hannah's voice echoed through my mind, "I needed you, but you weren't there. And I know that's not your fault. But if I wouldn't have ditched you that night, if Zach wouldn't have kissed me, maybe I would still be alive, and you wouldn't have been in the hospital."
     And Jeff. Oh, Jeff. He should be alive, not me. I deserved to be dead. I'm no use in this stupid wheelchair. Jeff had so much going for him, and I had nothing.
      Tears fell down my cheeks involuntarily, leaving their salty taste on my lips. I cried as I held the razor to my wrist, beginning to slit vertically.
     I let out a cry at the pain the shot throughout my arm, blood pouring out of the deep wound, my vision blurring.
     "Emm what the hell are you doing?!"
      Zach was on his knees beside me, holding a towel to my arm. He applied pressure while he told Justin to dial 911.
     "What the fuck are you thinking?" He was crying, trying to keep me alive.
     "I'm a killer," I cried, "I killed my best friends, and I'm stuck in this stupid FUCKING WHEELCHAIR for the rest of my GOD. DAMN. LIFE!"
      "Oh god, oh god, oh god," Justin ran his hands through his already messed up hair, his face turning red from the endless tears.
     "Emm, listen to me, you are not a killer!" Zach tried to comfort me, "you're not going to die, I'm not going to let you die. I'm not."
     I cried harder, "but I want to, I want to, I want to! The world is better off without me, I'm just a waste of fucking space!"
      "No, Emm, you're not. I love you so fucking much, Emmalee Rose Andrews, and you are not allowed to fucking leave me. You aren't, do you hear me?"
      My vision began to fade to black, and the last thing I remembered was Justin screaming into the phone.

      I squinted at the light shining in through the window, a small grunt escaping my throat at the stiffness I felt throughout my body. I blinked the blur from my eyes, finally focusing on the room that I was in. A hospital room.
      I lifted my arm, wincing in pain, and remembering what had happened.
     "She's awake!"
     Everyone rushed to my bed, crying tears of relief that I was okay.
     "Mom," I looked around, and she squeezed my hand, wiping her tears away with her free hand.
     "Good morning, love," she smiled, but it quickly turned into a pained frown due to not being able to hold back the tears.
     I sniffed, choking out, "I'm sorry." I looked at everyone in the room, and repeated through tears, "I'm sorry."
      "Don't ever do that again, you fucking asshole," Jess cried, leaning down to hug me, "I was so scared I was gonna lose you."
      "I'm sorry," I cried once again, slowly reaching up to hug her back without hurting my arm.
     "We all love you, Emm," Alex spoke up, hobbling forward on his crutch, "we're just glad you're okay."
      I nodded to him, then landed my eyes on Zach and Justin, "thank you for coming to me. I'm so sorry that I put you both through that."
      Zach shook his head, leaning down to plant a kiss on my cheek, "I will always be here for you. I love you."
     Justin grabbed my hand, "I'm glad you're alright, Emm."
     "Okay, can we group hug? Please?" Jess laughed through her tears, and I grinned through mine, holding my arms out for them all to hug me.
      "I love you guys, and I can never repay you for being here for me."
      "You being alive and staying strong is all that we ask for."

AN//
  Kind of all over the place I feel but here's another late night update!