The Beginning and the Memory// 13RW

14 Ghost Of You

I sat in the court room, dressed in a pantsuit that my mother bought me for this specific occasion. It was Zach's turn to testify.
     The judge told everyone to rise, but gave me a sympathetic look due to the wheelchair. I sighed, watching Zach. He glanced back at me and I gave him a thumbs up.
       "He's going to do fine, sweetie," my mom whispered, giving my thigh a reassuring squeeze.
      I smiled at her, then faced the front of the room again. It must have been so intense for Zach to stand in front of the entire room and tell everyone of his and Hannah's relationship, and how things went bad. Everyone was always so quick to judge, but Zach really cared for Hannah and never would have done anything to purposely hurt her. Even I knew that Zach was just a giant, loving and lovable teddy bear.
     "Here it comes," I heard a familiar voice speak from beside me, "the truth is finally coming out."
      I slowly turned my head, making eye contact with the person sitting in the row of chairs opposite me. Hannah Baker.
      She smiled, "it was bound to come out eventually, wasn't it?"
     I quickly tore my gaze away from her, facing the front of the room. Zach's lips were moving, but I couldn't hear him.
      Hannah was dead. This wasn't real.
      I slowly turned to look again, and there she sat still, her long hair resting over her shoulder, she was wearing a floral dress topped off with a Jean jacket and black combat boots. I felt tears spring to my eyes at the sight of her sitting there.
     "H-... Hannah?" The name escaped my mouth, barely above a whisper. She turned to face me once again, the smile gone. Her face was stained with tears, and her hair was short once again. My breathing intensified, I gripped the arms of my chair tightly.
     "Why weren't you there for me, Emm?" Her voice shook, tears falling into her mouth, "look what you all made me do."
       Blood began pouring from the horizontal slices on her forearms, dripping onto the courtroom floor.
     "NO!!"
      I screamed, tears rushing down my cheeks. I lifted my hands to my mouth, closing my eyes as the sobs wracked my body.
      Everyone began chattering amongst themselves at my outburst while my mom quickly pushed me out of the room. I sobbed into my hands as she knelt down in front of me.
     "Hey, hey, hey," she whispered soothingly, rubbing my arms comfortingly, "baby, what's wrong? What's wrong, Emm?"
      "I.. I.." I couldn't get any words to come out, the sobs were so fierce.
      "Alright, come here," she pulled me into her arms, rubbing my back as the sobs ran their course. I couldn't get the image of Hannah bleeding to death out of my mind.
     "I can't do this," I cried, "I can't, I can't do this."
      "What can't you do, love? Tell me."
      I shook my head, sitting up and rubbing my eyes, my eyeliner and mascara smearing everywhere, "nothing, nothing. Never.. never mind. Can we go back in there now?"
     She smiled sympathetically, fixing my makeup with a napkin that she pulled from her purse, "Yeah, sweetie, let's go support our boy."
     
      "What happened back there?"
      Zach had pulled me to the side when the meeting was adjourned, worry in his chocolate eyes. I took a breath, knowing that I could talk to him about it, but I couldn't seem to get the words to come out of my mouth.
     "Come on, Emm," he caressed my cheek, "you can tell me."
     "I.." I looked around to make sure no one was listening before I whispered, "I saw Hannah."
     He looked around, his eyebrows furrowing, "How? Hannah is dead."
     I shook my head, staring at the fidgeting hands in my lap, "I-I don't know, she was just.. there, in the row across from me."
     "Like a ghost?"
     I squinted up at him, "I don't know, okay? I just know that I saw her and she was fine one minute, back to her old self, and the next she was crying, blood pouring out of the cuts on her arms."
      Zach's expression softened, and he sighed, "and that's when you freaked out."
     "Yes," I whispered, looking at my hands once again.
     "Hey, it's okay," he grabbed my hands in his, looking into my eyes, "it wasn't real."
      I nodded, forcing a smile onto my face, "Yeah."

      I sat staring at myself in the bathroom mirror, tears rapidly falling down my cheeks while I replayed the courtroom incident over and over again. Hannah bleeding everywhere, blaming me for her death, making a scene in front of everyone in the room. Hannah's death, I was beginning to believe, was my fault. I dug my nails into my wrist at the thought. I wanted to hurt myself for causing Hannah such pain. I should've never left the party. Hell, I should've never even went to the party. That stupid fucking party should have never happened.
        I breathed heavily and angrily through my nose, not wanting to draw more attention to myself and have my mother come in to find me like this once again. I grabbed the razor blade aggressively from the sink, not thinking twice before slicing it vertically across my wrist, blood raced to the opening and trickled onto my lap.
     "Fuck," I bit my lip, tasting the blood that my teeth had drawn. I threw the blade into the trash, quickly wrapping my wrist with a towel and applying pressure.
     I stared at myself in the mirror once again, and through gritted teeth I said something I never would have thought to say under any circumstance, and instantly regretted.
      "Fuck you, Hannah."

AN//
   Sorry it's so short guys but I wanted to update!