Lost Cause

17th

It had been 2 weeks since the first text from Aria and they keep on coming

But I don't understand what I have done to deserve this from her she said she hates me for being with Matt but it's not my fault he fell for her and not me, but

As soon as I told Matt he spoke to her well screamed at her and she soon stopped but if she wanted to make me weak and suicidal again she has sucseeded

Someone can plant a thought in your mind and it just has to be there that they have said it but soon enough it worms it way into your every thought and you start to believe it

I pushed everything to the back of my mind, well tried to, since today was my 17th birthday

I woke up to mum and dad walking through my door singing happy birthday

They both came and sat on my bed and mum handed me a little gift bag

I took out a blue velvet large box, I opened it and saw the most necklace

The chain was silver and hung on it was a rose gold'M', it had three diamonds on, one at the bottom on each side and one on the centre point,it was truley beautiful

One of the diamonds was for me and then Matt and Mads, and the 'M' for all of us

"Thank you" I swung my arms around the both of them as a tear fell silently from my eye

Dad came and put it on for me

"Now what time is Matt coming round?" Mum asked as I admired the necklace hanging from my neck

"Six, he better hadn't have spent money on me all I want is for him to be with me on my 17th I don't need a present" they both smirked misceivously at me but I brushed it off

"Now get up and make your self even more beautiful if that is possible you don't want to be late" Mum said as she went out and I took me about a minute to realis it was three in the afternoon 

Why the hell have I slept this late, I know I was in a state last night after fighting with mum about not wanting to eat anything, we both cried so much she said she was scared for me and that she could see my life dying away infront of her and was worried that her and dad are going to have to send me back to the unit, so that pretty much wiped me out but sleeping in till three pm 

I got out of bed and went into the bathroom,switching the shower on I sowly got undressed my body aching and burning with every move I could't establish why until I glanced down at my thighs 

Cuts laced every inch of my thighs, bright red and puffed up, I let out a sob and looked up myself in the mirror and all I wanted to do was cry 

Cry at how broken I had become, how weak I was that one person could make me feel how I did before I went to the unit but it wasn't just Aria it was everything, loosing Mads, letting everyone down when I relapsed. The look on Matts face and his mums the night I purged, that I had my mum and dad in tears because they were scared they would have to send me back to the unit. That Mr Grant had such high hopes that I would do well in his A-lvel english when I wouldn't 

I broke away from the mirror and climbed into the shower letting the hot beeds of water run down my body and calm me as I tried to push it to the back of my mind and focus on the convasation I had with Matt the other night about my 'present' 

--*FLASHBACK*--

I was in Matts lap facing him, legs wrapped round his back. I looked into his eyes and lust took over my body 

He pressed his lips to mine and pushed his tounge asking for entrance, our mouths and toungs moved together as I ran my hands through is hair