Lost Cause

Georgia

I stood waiting for John for to take me into the medical room for my weigh in.

"Come one Megs." John said as he unlocked the door, I dragged my tired feet behind him and stepped onto the scales.

I rufused to look at the number I just waited for John to tell me if I had gained or lost.

"Your going back onto the plan" He siad as he jotted some numbers down.

"What the fu-" He abruptly cut me off by raising his eyebrow at me

"Megan your only a few pounds above what you were when you first came to us" I had to stop myself from smiling at this.

" 'K then, can I go back to bed?" If I'm honest it was more of a statement then a question.

"No, sorry as part of your therpy program your parents have agreed that they think a trip out somewhere would benefit you."

"Fuck sake" I stated as I went to my room to get ready.

Being back here hurt alot, especially since I didn't know when I would be able to be back with Matt.

Once I was changed I headed to the hall for brakefast.

John has to sit with me because I am back on the plan to make sure I eat enough and I don't get sectioned again.

He brought me over two slices of toast and a small bowl of cereal.

----

After two and a half hours I had finally eaten a third witch was deemed enough for me to be aloud to leave.

We headed out to Johns car and all I wanted to do was run, but I knew I couldn't.

We started driving and John turned the radio on to Foster The People - Pumped Up Kicks

I started to quietly sing the chorus to myself

"All the other kids with the pumped up kicks

Better  run better run

Out run my gun

All the other kids with the pumped up kicks

Better run better run

Faster than my bullet"

I smiled and remembered how much Jake loved that song.

---- 

Seriously why the fuck am I here.

John brought me to the church where Jake was buried.

"Megan out the car" John said as he waites by my door.

Forcfully I opened the door and slammed it a little to hard.

"Why am I here?" I hissed at him even though all I wanted to do was cry.

"Come on" He walked through gates, I let out a deep breath in attempt to compose myself before I followed him.

I knelt infront of his grave crying silently. John had sat on the bench a few metres away so I could have sometime by myself

"I'm getting married, me married eh. The wedding it won't be the same without you there though Jake." I rubbed my eyes but only causing more tears to fall.

"I'm back at the unit not for long this time hopefully. That's when you's have come out with your sarcey comment to try and lift the mood something like 'Oh that place should have a revolving door for you' or 'They must have a reserved car park space for dad'. I know you wouldn't have ment it because you never did. Who'd have thought that I'd be crying by your grave cause I didn't and I guess that's causs I never told you how much you ment to me and even if you can't hear me. I love you Jakey boy" I let out a little giggle before kissing my finger tips and pressing them onto the ingraved name.