Lost Cause

I'm sick of being lied to

I had been on the unit for 1 week now, it was okay I suppose well it isn't how I thought it would be.
Meal times were the hardest, I tried really hard but could only ever eat 1/4 of my meal but I would just purge after it anyway, they tried to get me to eat more but I wouldn't.
I was back in my room, my knuckles were pretty much healed now but the cuts weren't. Yeah the cuts, 3rd day I was here since I can't drink or smoke it was all I could do.
I had made a few pretty close friends Aria and Hannah, Aria suffered from paranoia and depression, self harms and was in because she tried to commit suicide.
Hannah was in because she had severe depression, was bulimic and self harmed, and me well. I have severe depression, anxitey,anorexia, bulimia, I self harm, I'm suicidal, and really bad anger issues (well duh thats kinda why walls get it in the neck)
It was after 7 so it was visiting time, the first four days I wouldn't let anyone come and see me but now I would, Harry was coming today I think I'm not sure I hope he was I need to ask him about Liam and dad. Sure enough he did.

I walked down the hall to meet him

"Hey Megan" his voice was soft and calm, not the usual cheeky one I was used to

"Hey Harry, lets go into the lounge" We took the short walk in silence, we got into the lounge and sat down on the bean bags, whoever made them I love you, they are the most comfy furniture ever

"So how you doing" how am I am doing really?

"Harry, please treat me like you normally would, just cause I'm abit more fucked up than the normal person" he laughed a little until I rolled my sleeves up

"Megan I don't know, I didn't know things were that bad" no one did Hazza my friend

"It's okay, Harry no one did, but the funny thing is in this place I can be myself, I don't have to hide it when I have a bad day and I don't have to walk around in long sleeves all the time" that is when the reality of this place hit me, it's not to force us to get better it's to help us help ourselves get better, yeah there is a lot of pushing and shoving from the nurses and everyone but still

"You didn't have to hide when you are having a bad at home either"

"Harry I do and I did trust me, because I can't"

"You can't trust yourself?" Penny in the air

"No not even here"

"Why Megan what did you d-.." And the penny had dropped

"Please tell me you didn't"

"3rd day" I shifted my eyes to the floor

"Megan give me the blade or give it to them" nooo

"No Harry I need it"

"Needing it is what got you here"

"Thanks nice to know I have you're support"

"Megan of course you do, I'm just worried for you" Isn't everyone

"I know everyone seems to be"

"Look Harry there is something I need to know, why do Liam and my dad seem to know so much about this place?" his face quickly changed and he looked like a rabbit in the headlights

"Look Megan I can't tell you, you will have to ask your dad or Liam about it"

"Oh great something else everyone is keeping from me"

"It's not like that Megan but it's not my story to tell"

For the next 20 minutes we talked about stuff he was making me laugh and I was thankful but the I could feel anger building up over being lied to again

"Uh I need to go, but I'll come see you sometime soon okay" we got up and I walked him back and trust him to give me a big Harry hug, it didn't make me feel better but I just let everything float away for a few seconds.

But soon enough he was gone and the anger and sadness took over. I walked to my room deep breathing all the way trying to calm down but it didn't work. I paced up and down my room my thoughts racing, everyone lied to me all the time, I'm sick of it.
Needing a quick release I reached for a hair grip and tore the plasticy bit of the so it was now sharp
"MEGAN!" Trust Aria to walk in now
She took it off me and dragged me outside
"Aria give me it back now, I can't use my blade please give it to me" my fists were clenched and shaky
"Megan calm down okay"
"I WILL NOT CAME THE FUCK DOWN" one of the nurses came round the corner
"Megan, Aria is everything okay?"
"No everything is not fucking okay" I turned away and hit the wall at full force, the pain went rippling through me, so I hit it again this time for an alarm to go off and 3 nurses restrain me
"GET OFF ME!" kicking and screaming wasn't going to do anything
They took me to the suclution corridor and put me in one of the rooms, great stuck in this shit hole for the next 24 hours with a staff member watching me the hole time.

After about 30 minutes someone came in, it was the nurse Mike 

"Megan take this" I don't want to take anymore pills

"No" 

"No Megan you have to it's, diazepam it will help you calm down" I am calm well more calm then before, you see punching walls is a good stress release

"Fine" I took the pill and water off him, my knuckles ached and some of the cuts were re-open, fan-fucking-tastic

"We need to get them looked at, follow me to the first-aid room"

I got up and walked with him, we walked past the wall and to my amazment there was a great big hole out of the plaster

"You've got some punch on you there Megan" why thank you

"Yeah" we got to the first aid room and Mike looked at my knuckles, they weren't as fucked as last time but they hurt just as much

Once I got back to my room in the acute corridor I feel asleep, tired from today but just sick of everything.

*******************ARIA'S POV*******************

I saw Megan walking back to her room after saying by to Harry, she looked really wound up and upset but I didn't want to confront her straight away so I left her for 10 minutes to left her cool of

I pushed the door open and Megan was there with the sharp part of a hair grip pressed to her arm, I knew what she was doing, Hannah told her about it saying that they cut enough to relive the pain, they don't suspect anything when they search your rooms. 

"MEGAN" I grabbed it off her and pulled her out to the corridor

"Aria give me that back now, I can't use my blade and I need it" her fists were clenched and she was shaking, every muscle in her body was tensed up

"Megan calm down okay" I kept my voice quite and calm

"I WILL NOT CALM THE FUCK DOWN" I know you shouldn't say this about you're best friend but she was scary when she was this angry

The nurse Mike came round the corner "Megan,Aria is everything okay?" he just pushed her over the edge I could tell

"No everything is not okay" she spun round and hit the wall punching through the plaster, it wasn't enough she punched again, and the alarm went off and she was restrained 

"GET THE FUCK OFF ME" She half screamed and sobbed as they took her to the acute corridor.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It was now 10 and I was sat in bed thinking of stuff and Megan just wondering why she kicked off so much and said she had a blade. 

I knew she was going to hat me for what I did next.