Too Bad For Her Own Good

Chapter 12

His face is slightly tinged with red, a sure sign of the anger he holds. But it's more than anger. It's fear too.

"Can you tell me, please enlighten me really, what was going on in the pretty little head of yours when you decided to make the trek to no mans land and spy on me?" Logan asks me, a look of disgust ghosting it's was over his features. He's sitting at the kitchen island, and I'm leaning against the counter.

"I, I was curious." I say meekly, adjusting my eyes away from his gaze and towards the dark tile of the kitchen floor.

"Curiosity killed the cat, now didn't it?" Logan spits out angrily.

"I just, I didn't know! I thought you were a hired assassin or something, I expected the worst Logan." I say, raising my voice.

"An assassin? Wow Katherine, I'm glad you think so highly of me." He grimaces, as if in pain.

"No, it's not like that, I just, I didn't know-"

"So not knowing means making me into a killer? An actual killer?" I look up, and did him staring at his own clenched fists.

"I know you're not a killer. I just-"

"You thought I could be. You expect the worst from me."

"I don't know what to expect from you Logan, you know you don't really give me much insight as to what going on with you."

"What do you want to know Kat? What's so important that you have to risk your safety and drive into the middle of nowhere for? Do you know how maddening it is, absolutely maddening, to have to prove yourself to someone? How difficult and time-consuming, how absolutely heart wrenching it can be? I don't want to have to prove myself to you. I just want you to... I don't want to have to prove anything." He looks up, his green eyes piercing my own in his unique dominating way. I'm speechless for a second.

I shake my head, "I don't want you to prove yourself Logan, I just want to know."

"Know what? I met you a few days ago. I'm not one to spill my heart an soul on an open platter, especially to someone I just met. I don't know what you're expecting from me, a heartfelt display of my past, or a confession of possible love in our future, whatever it is, it's not happening now."

The sad part is, he's right. He's being gentle in the way he lets me down, and I'm thankful. But he's right. I'm rushing into all of this, into him. While marriage is usually something that you do when you're already in love, I need to work backwards. In order for this marriage to work, I need to learn to love Logan. Care for him, and want him in a way special to the two of us. Only then will marriage work. And he sees this, he sees it will take time and effort and trust. Honesty too. But I didn't see that. In fact, I don't see a lot of things around Logan. I'm too captivated by him to notice the blandness of the world surrounding me. He's much more interesting, more eye-catching.

"You're right." I sigh, leaning farther against the counter. "I shouldn't expect you to let me be a part of your life so soon. I understand, I'm sorry for pushing you."

It's like pushing a ticking time bomb, an explosion a poke away. I'm thankful that I didn't push him to hard, that he stopped me. If I did, I'd lose all hope with him. He doesn't look like the type to be forgiving, or to dish out second chances.

I have one chance with Logan Chambers, one chance to make this marriage a true one.

He looks at me, expecting of more speech from me. This conversation took a necessary but awkward turn, making me look like a clingy girl, and him the stable-headed one. Who knew?

I never intended for it to be like this. But looking back, I was pushing him. I asked to much about him and his past, I should have let it happen naturally. I read to much into everything he did in a desperate attempt to understand his complexity. I went behind his back, and invaded his privacy in an unnecessary way in an attempt to force my way into his life.