His Queen

The Moment

For now the kingdom was at peace. There was still tension between the Lothbrok brothers and Lagertha but Bjorn kept the boys from harming his mother. But now that the chaos had subdued, it was time for the boys to properly meet Eirik. 

Lagertha sits upon her throne, accepting gifts and good fortune from allies. It deeply upsets you to see her, an usurper, sitting there when all this rightfully belonged to Aslaug. You wish you could have been here when Lagertha attacked Kattegat. No force could have stopped you. The Gods themselves would not have stopped you from killing Lagertha. You wouldn't have cared if Bjorn never forgave you at least then Aslaug would still be alive.

Yet you cannot live in a dream world. Nothing ever happens as it should. For now you must worry about introducing Eirik to the brothers. Upon seeing Ivar's reaction you are afraid of what the elder brother might say or do. Ubbe has always known about your feelings for Ivar. He is not a stupid man. You know Ivar told the other brothers, especially Sigurd just to gloat.

So here you stand in the Great Hall as everyone eats their supper and drinks mead. Hands writhing together, shifting your weight back and forth on the balls on your feet. Hands gently touch your lower back causing you jump.

"Are you feeling all right, darling?" It's Eirik. Before turning to meet his gaze you roll your eyes then fake a smile.

"I'm fine. Come, there are people I want you to meet." Not taking his hand, you lead him to where the brothers stand, except Ivar, laughing at some joke. But they quiet down upon seeing you with Eirik. Eight pair of eyes look Eirik up and down, judging him on appearance alone. You sigh heavily knowing this would happen. Each of the young men, not including Ivar of course, have always looked at you as a little sister whom only deserves the best. That is still true to this day and it can be both annoying and aggravating. 

"Boys, this is Eirik. He will be my husband very soon. I wanted you all to formally meet him." You have Eirik step forward so he is now standing in front of you. 

Eirik makes the first attempt to shake their hands but none of the brothers return the gesture. You glare at them and that is makes them comprehend. 

"Very nice to meet you, Eirik," Ubbe is the first to shake Eirik's hand, "tell us, what do you have to offer sweet Y/N? You must be very important to marry her so suddenly." Again you glare at Ubbe,  narrowing your eyes this time. But the stubborn man ignores you.

"If you must know I am an Earl. Earl Asmund arranged for Y/N and I to marry for the sake of our people. I notice you four look at Y/N more of a little sister than friend, which I respect, but I will always protect her. The vows I will make before the Gods I shall keep forever. She is precious to me. Not just for the benefits of our marriage." Eirik smiles fondly back at you. 

For the first time since you have met, Eirik's words have effected you. If he is speaking the truth then you believe he is a good man. He hasn't done anything to make you think otherwise. What happened with Ivar was not entirely Eirik's fault. He has no idea you are still, and always be, in love with Ivar. Perhaps one day you could be happy with Eirik and not be mad the situation of an arranged marriage.

The other brothers introduce themselves to Eirik and to your surprise they shake his hand. Even Ivar shows polite mannerism which is a small triumph in itself. 

The evening goes by with no consequences. For a time you forget about Lagertha sitting at the head of the hall on her throne. Ubbe and Eirik seem to get along like old friends discussing their fighting abilities and even planning to hunt when the season approaches. Hvitserk and Sigurd chime into the conversation when necessary also wanting to come hunting with Eirik. It's almost odd to see them all talking so kindly to one another. You thought just the opposite would happen this evening. 

But Ivar's silence is worrisome. Whenever he is quiet, it means he is thinking, and when he is thinking nothing good comes from it. He sits in the chair, arms crossed over the resting post, chin propped on his forearm. Your eyes met his bright blue ones and he smiles. This is no polite nor kind smile. No it's sinister. A lump forms in your throat and it feels as if you have been punched in the gut. 

"I shall return. I need to relieve myself." You mostly tell Eirik whom is barely listening anyway. You glare down at Ivar telling him without words to follow you outside. He slides out from the chair to the floor and crawls behind you. 

Once outside and away from the curious ears of the towns people, you heavily sigh placing hands on your hips.

"Why are you behaving this way, Y/N?" Ivar has the nerve to ask such a thing. 

"Me? What about you? Do you think I want this? To have the man I have to marry in the same room as the man I still love? I have no say or control in this, Ivar. It is breaking my heart. I know it deeply upsets you but that does not mean you can look at Eirik like he is your enemy, your next kill." You scold Ivar, taking your built up anger out on him.

"He is my enemy. He is to marry the woman who I love, the one who is meant to be mine. You do have a choice in this. Leave Eirik and be with me." Ivar is not a man who pleads but you hear it in his voice, see it in his eyes combined with the rage. 

"You know I cannot do that. This does not only effect us, Ivar. It effects my people and their future. It is so much bigger than you and I. My people come first and I am so sorry it has to be this way. I will always love you, Ivar, more than you'll know. But this is how it must be." Tears run down your cheeks and your legs collapse under you.

Kneeling on the ground, your face in your hands, you sob loudly. The sight of you so devastated is like a knife to Ivar's heart. He realizes now that there is nothing he can do to change your mind or to stop this marriage. He crawls towards you embracing you tightly allowing you to cry on his shoulder. 

"Our love might have been short lived but it was the best time of my life. Something I will never forget. Yet, I see now I cannot be so selfish. I have nothing to offer you. No lands, gold, sliver, or an army. All I have is my love which might not be enough. You will forever have my love, Y/N. Nothing will change that." Ivar kisses your forehead the rests his cheeks on top your hair. 

He closes his eyes remembering everything about this moment and you. How you feel in his arms, how you smell, and even the dress you are wearing. Having the memory of you will be enough for him. The memories of your smile, laugh, cries, and mocking. It shall be something he holds on to forever.

When you have settled down, you lift your head looking into Ivar's eyes. In them you see everything to bring you comfort. You can't explain it but something in the moment gravitates you to lean in and kiss Ivar's lips. Even just for a moment you forget about all the fallen tears, heartache, and misery. You only focus on the feeling of this kiss. Not caring about anyone but Ivar. For this may be your last chance to kiss him again so you take it. You allow it to last as long as possible. This will be a kiss you'll never forget. 

Your family and Eirik only spend a week in Kattegat before departing again so preparations for your wedding may begin and done right. You say goodbye once again to Bjorn, Ubbe, Hvitserk, Sigurd, and Ivar. They makes promises to attend your wedding not wanting to miss it for the world. Part of you wishes you were staying in Kattegat to prepare for your wedding to Ivar but that dream has faded. 

The trip home is easy, calm. Eirik does not return to his Earldom but stays here sleeping in a separate room from you. Your days are spent being fitted for a wedding dress, picking out jewelry to wear, and the type of flowers that you want to decorate the alter and Great Hall. The days go by in a blur and your evenings happen too quickly. 

Each night you dream of the kiss you and Ivar shared the night he met Eirik. You dream of kissing him an infinite amount of times wishing you never woke up. During training Ivar is on your mind and not Eirik. You know it is wrong but you cannot help yourself. 

 Many nights before bed, you pray to the Gods for guidance. You pray they give you strength to endure a relationship you do not want. You pray they give you a sign that you are doing the right thing but it never comes. At least not in time.