Finding My Lost Self [to be edited]

Chapter 24 - Grief could last too much longer.

Chap. 24

Martina's P.O.V


I got into the passenger seat of my brother's car after he was already inside the car. Damn him for being tall, I had to run all the way to keep up with him. My breath was ragged.

He turned the key and the engine roared to life. When the car moved, my crazy ass brother pushed his feet onto the gas and drove at full speed from the parking lot. I was so taken aback that I was scared that he might hit someone on his way.

"Tyler, what the hell? Slow down!" I yelled at him as I watched the speed reaching 80. This was even illegal to do on this road.

He never replied. He just sped up even more. He was a fast and furious driver by nature, but this time, he was for sure going crazy.

"Tyler," I pleaded. "Slow down, please!"

"No," He said coldly. I knew he cared for our nana. But I also knew that speeding the hell out of his car wouldn't make her any better.

To be honest, I was shook up when I heard that she was in the hospital. She never went there except for monthly check-ups and things like that. She never just went there out of the blue. I silently prayed that she would be okay.

And I prayed that Tyler would get back to his mind, too.

Suddenlt, he took a sharp turn and I was thrown into my door forecefully due to the impact. The car was running too fast I glanced at the speed and saw that it was past 100.

"Tyler, slow down..." I said, and idea came to me, "Get out and I can drive instead, then" I said. He looked at me as if I was crazy and just looked ahead of him and pushed on the gas even harder.

Suddenly, the car came to a halt when he pressed the brakes. I was thrown forwards but I saved myself from bumping myself again. I looked up and saw that we were in the hospital's parking lot already. The sight was so familiar, it was the hospital where Sam's mom was kept.

I opened the car's door feeling dizzy as the nausea tried to take over me. But after a couple of seconds, I was able to steady myself.

When I looked around me, my brother had already managed to reach the hospital's entrance with his vampire-like speed. I hated my life for being short sometimes.

"Hey, hold on!" I exclaimed as I ran towards him. My brother had always beeen so weird. He walked too fast, changed mood too fast, did everything too fast. And me, well... I was just the opposite.

When I reached his side, I looked up at his face and scowled at him.

"Would you just slow down, reaching quickly wouldn't make any difference," I told him referring to how he sped up with the car and now with his legs.

Talk about a human with roller blades as feet.

He looked down at me. And instead of snapping back at me with a smirk as usual, there was something else. His eyes were bloodshot and it looked like he was holding the tears. His mouth was pressed into a tight line and his face was flushed.

The sight of him like this broke my heart. He had always been the cold strong person to me. I've never seen him so... vulnerable.

Even when our parents had died, he never told me the reason. He was the only one who went with them, and he came back with the help of their neighbor.

I remembered how my parents said it was some important business and how I wanted to go with them like Tyler. I had no idea why my mom had insisted on taking him but not me, but I also remembered how my dad didn't seem to care at all. Not that he wasn't that kind of dad you were proud of.

I took Tyler's hand and we walked towards the checkdesk. A chubby lady with small glasses looked up at us from typing away on her keyboard.

"May I help you?" She asked.

"Yes, I want to ask about Rose Farrell," Tyler said in a monotoned voice.

The lady nodded then looked at her computer and started typing and clicking on some things in her computer.

"She's currently in the concentratd care unit, visits are banned. If you want to know more about her condition, you could talk to Dr. Williams, His office in in the sixth floor." She finished and then went back to ignoring us.

Tyler's grip tightened on my hand and his other fist clenched and unclenched. I knew that he was getting more and mroe rigid by the minute.

We went to the sixth floor, where Dr. Williams' office was located. The door was a dark brown color that contradicted with the hospital's white walls. Tyler knocked on the door three times. It was so awkward; Standing there and waiting for the doctor to open the door.

A couple of secods later, a tall, brown haired man opened the door. His eyes had wrinkles near them and a few strands of grey hair were beginning to form in his hair. His nose had always reminded me of a potato.

He was my nana's doctor, I could remember him from the couple of times I went with her for the check-ups.

He seemed to recognize me, he looked down at me and smiled, "You're madame Farrell's grand daughter, aren't you? He asked.

I smiled at him, "Yes, sir. We were wondering what's her current condition, I heard she was in the concentrated care unit," I said.

The man's smile fell, leaving a serious expression behind. "We'll have to discuss this inside my office," He said and opened the door further, gesturing for us to get in. It was then when I felt how tight Tyler's grip on my hand had gotten. I could tell he was nervous and angry.

When we got into the office, Tyler let go of my hand to sit on a chair that was in front of the large beige office. I sat on the chair opposite to Tyler's and then both of our sets of eyes were directed towards Dr. Williams expectantly.

Dr. Williams took a deep breath, "Your grand mother has experienced a heart failure. We tried our best, but..." He trailed off.

I waited for him to continue, but he took another deep breath. I glanced in Tyler's direction, his fists were clenched so tightly that his knuckles had turned white. This wasn't good.

"But what?" Tyler mouthed in a shaky voice. His bluish grey eyes that were just like my mother's had hardened. I could tell he braced himself for the worst.

Dr. Williams sighed. "But... She doesn't have long left. There's a great chance that she's already dead clinically..." He started, every word piercing into me like a sword.

"I'm afraid to say that, if we couldn't get any response out of her body, she shall be disconnected from the machines within two hours." He finished.

A sinking feeling came over me. That couldn't be true. She was the only family I had aside from my brother. I lived with her and she was sometimes the only company I had.

After my parent's death, she as the only parental figure in my life. She couldn't just leave me like this. No.

I could feel the tears forming in my eyes already and my head started spinning. This couldn't be true. My mind couldn't process anything from what was happening. I couldn't accept the facts. That she was clinically dead.

Although my mind didn't accept it yet, the pain was unbearable. It was seeping through my whole body. Losing someone does really hurt. It was as if my parents had died all over again.

That was the thing about the pain, it's felt against your will. You have no say in it. You just have to watch everything crumble down and agonize.

My sight was blurry. I tried to blink the tears away and see what was happening around me. I saw Tyler's face. He was staring into the thin air. His eyes had hardened even more and he seemed in deep thought.

"I must leave." He stated coldly. The doctor was still sitting on his desk, a look of pity was all over his face.

Tyler got up silently, I knew he was trying to get away from here. I gripped his arm quickly.

"T-Tyler, please, don't go," I said in a shaky voice. Desperation and pain were truly evident in my tone.

I didn't want him to go away. Tyler wasn't the kind of person to let his anger and pain in front of people, but once he became alone, all shit broke loose. I didn't want him to drive like this. There's a great chance he might hurt himslef.

Or worse.

I couldn't use two people in one night, no. I had to stop him. My brother could be a nut cast sometimes, and that wasn't something you would like to see. When he was back after my parents had died, he used to avoid all the people. He never talked to any one. Even when my nana wanted him to go to therapy, he stormed away.

He yanked his arm away from mine and stormed out of the office, I tried to collect all the strength I had left to get up and run after him.

My feet weren't helping, but I could still see him striding away. I ran in his direction. He walked down the stairs and I followed him quickly, my head was becoming more and more dizzy by the second.

"Tyler!" I called after him, but he was out of my sight.

I ran downstairs and out of the hospital's bulding. I ran to the parking lot and caught sight of his car.

He was inside it and the engine quickly roared to life. The car moved in one fast motion that it made my hair fly and the dust filled the air, a couple of seconds later, it was totalle gone.

He was gone.

I felt helpless. I looked up at the grey sky, I knew it was going to rain soon. I silently prayed that he would be fine. I needed to get him, but I couldn't leave my nana here, alone. I knew that the pain lasts. Especially with Tyler. But I also knew one other thing,

Grief could last too much longer.

And grief made people lose their minds. It eats your heart and your emotions by time, if you couldn't find a way to get rid of it, it might last until the soul was no longer there.

Until the person was just a shallow body, with no soul inside.