Finding My Lost Self [to be edited]

Chapter 29 - I was more stupid than a potato.

Chap. 29

Numbness...

That was the only feeling I could distinguish from the mix of emotions that came over me like a waterfall. It had taken over every thing; My body, my feelings, and even my mind.

I just laid there o my bed. Crying and thinking about everything. I think I had seen my whole life all over again at that time. Every moment was vivid and clear. As if it wasn't a flashback at all.

Tears were always present in my eyes. Never drying, just increasing. I felt disappointed and hurt. No words were enough to explain what I was going through.

I just laid there. For hours that felt like weeks passing. Not even bothering to get up or do anything. When I had arrived home, Alex was gone already. He needed to catch up with his college and he left me a note. I understood, but still... I needed him there. I needed any one there.

But there was nobody.

I wanted to call someone. To sob until my voice went hoarse, and cry my eyes out in my mom's embrace.

But she wasn't there any more. She was sick. And I didn't want to bother her more. She was having enough bullshit thrown at her every second already.

I could hear my phone ringing at the background. But I never had the power to get up and see it. Desperation was filling every inch of your body. I didn't care about anything.

What if that person who was calling, a liar as well? I'd rather not talk to another liar.

I'd rather not trust another liar.

Jason.

A part of me was still wishing that all this was just a joke. That he had an explanation for all of this. That part of me wanted to ask him if it was true, hoping that the answer would be no.

But then there was the bigger part.

This part was furious. It wanted to punch him. To yell at him and slap him a hundred times. But at the same time, I wanted to yell at myself. To scold myself and to slap myself for being too damn stupid.

Looking back at myself, I realized that I was so stupid that I thought he'd actually want to be y friend. Did I really think that he wanted nothing at all from me??

Oh, how stupid I was...

I was more stupid than a potato.

I started sobbing again as I thought of how dumb I must have looked in front of him. I made him my friend and trusted him just to cry my eyes out at the end. What the hell?

He must've thought that I was some dumb blonde girl- except I wasn't blonde. Well, he must've thought that I was some dumb brunette girl.

I despised myself. How could he possibly have the guts to do such a thing to any one. Really? He made a bet on someone who made him her friend? That was so... low.

I despised him. I hated his guts right now and I wanted to seek revenge. But this time, it wasn't some stupid revenge with a bag of make-up or some clothes like that revenge Elena had made me believe in. This shit was useless.

This time, I was going to make Jason Parker suffer. And I knew exactly how. I will make his life a mess. I swear.

I was about to start sobbing again when my bed room's door opened abruptly. Startling me. I collected all the power I had in me and looked up to see who was that. It was Martina. She smiled at me weakly.