Finding My Lost Self [to be edited]

Chapter 12 - Everybody's Running from the past

Chap.12

I was frozen on the spot. I couldn't utter a word and the coldness of the weather emphasized the coldness of the situation as the rain poured harder. I was pretty sure I'll catch a cold after all this. but at the moment, I couldn't care less.

"James..." I barely whispered. I couldn't turn around. I held back the tears as memories flashed through my mind.

After all that had happened what makes him say my name like this?! Why? Didn't he break me already? Hadn't he done enough damage? He could've pretended he didn't know me! Why now! Doesn't he know that he ruined me?! That he's the reason why I'm afraid to do anything?! I'm afraid to trust or love! I'm even afraid to believe!

I couldn't hold back the tears anymore. my sight was getting blurry already. I finally decided to turn around as I felt my legs again. I turned slowly wishing that it was someone else. Only someone with the same voice. but to my horror, His face came in sight. He looked just as beautiful as I remembered him. His blue orbs were like the ocean, easy to drown in. his brown hair looked softer than I even remembered. I felt my heart bumping furiously from all the Grief. I felt it break all over again as more tears streamed down my face.

Why did he have to look so innocent? Why did he have to Cheat on me and Break my heart?

His face almost made my heart bleed. as much as I hate to admit it, I've never seen a boy like him. James was one of a kind; Nobody was even close to how Beautiful he was. He had a charm, and that was the worst part. he was better than anyone yet worse than them all. Not even Jason Parker, Not even anyone of the 'popular boys' in my school could be compared.

'But Tyler is even sexier... and better...' a voice in my head whispered lightly.

'Oh Shut up now it's not your time at all !!' I yelled back in my head at my subconscious. I couldn't help but think of how Tyler avoided me now. he never contacted me after we went to his 'special' place. I felt even angrier by now. I shook my head and looked at the boy in front of me.

"James." I said firmly and nodded slightly after I found my voice as my ex stood right in front of me in all his glory.

he smiled "How are you, smantha. It's been so long."

How could he talk to me so normally as if nothing happened. I felt my chest tighten with the pain.

"I've been better." I scoffed. showing him clearely that he's unwanted here. "What brings you to this town again, James?" I asked firmly. adding pressure to his name.

"I came to get back what's mine." he smirked.

I rolled my eyes "and that is.. ?"

his smirk grew bigger "You." he stated simply.

I was dumbfounded. I was taken aback and I forgot how to breath. a lump started to form in my throat and it was so hard to swallow. How could he? What am I to him? a toy or something? does he really think that after cheating on me with my bestfriend then running away like a coward I could forgive him?

Hell No.

"Shut up!" I exclaimed. "Nothing here is yours. Especially Me." I Said harshly.

his eyebrows shot up "Moved on already?" He asked.

"That's none of your business." i said firmly. gathering all the strength I had,

he shook his head and looked down. "Sam. My lovely Samantha. You'll come back and you know it." he said as if stating the facts. "we were in love. Don't you remember?" He asked.
"In Love? What do you even know about that word!?" I asked looking at him like he's gone mad. 

"I know that I love you, Samantha." he said seriously.

"You Love Me?!" I laughed. "Nice Joke, James. but last time I checked, People In Love don't cheat on who they love !!" I continued "You know what?" I said stepping closer till we were like half a meter away. "I Wish I Never Knew you in the first place. I Wouldn't feel hurt every time I see you. You're harmful to me! Do you have to ruin my life even when you're not a part of it anymore? Let Me Be! Go away I was Just Having a better life!" I finished harshly. tears pouring down my face freely.

"as you please, Samantha." he said with a smirk. but I promise you the day will come when you beg to take me back." he smiled. "Cause we had something different. you'll never find someone like me." he finished.

I smiled weakely "I know. Cause you're the worst of all." I said then turned around without a word. I heared his footsteps getting lower as he went further. I felt Jason grab my hand and then his voice broke the silence.

"I'm so sorry for what you had to face." he said bluntly.

"Thank you. It's nothing actually." I smiled to myself.

"No it is. you may not believe this but I know how this feels." he said as we reched the car and I got in.

"What do you mean 'You know how this feels?' " I asked. but he never replied. Instead he turned on the air warmer and started the engine without a word.

The whole drive was peaceful and silent till he finally dropped me by my house then went back to the town after I thanked him for the day.

Mom wasn't home. I went to my bedroom and went to get a shower to get rid of the sticky orange smell that covered me. I took a hot shower and got into some comfy clothes and got into my warm bed. I felt so relaxed right then, all I wanted in the world was a good sleep. I had too much things to think about. but I felt so exhausted. The last thought I remember was 'Wow, It was a hell of a day.' then I drifted to sleep.


The Next morning I woke up at 1:00 Pm, most likely for a person who had an exhausting saturday like me. Good god I was lucky it was a Sunday. cause I Never skipped school and I mean Never. there were those days where I used to be sick and I'd presuade my mom to let me go to school. Talk about my weirdness.

I got out of my bed. Surprisingly without having a fight with my blanket and quilt like everyday. I could feel that my head was a bit heavy. maybe because I was starting to get the flu or because I overslept. 

I went to the bathroom and took a shower -and I couldn't help but think that I shower alot since I just did last night- then I brushed my teeth and got out. I wore some big T-shirt and a pair of shorts then I went downstairs for breakfast.

On my way downstairs I decided to check on my mom and see whether she got home or not. I peeked into her bedroom and saw her sleeping peacefully. I Smiled at the sight. She deserved to rest. My mom was so hard working and I couldn't be more proud of her.

I went downstairs and got some chips, Oreos and Juice then went to sit on the couch, Turned on the T.v and started to switch between the channels. searching for something that could catch my attention.

I was sitting silently when my phone buzzed. I unlocked it and looked.

Wow..

It was a text from that Martina girl I met at the party. I thought I scared her away? well seems like I didn't. Right? I opened it smiling like an Idiot.

From:Martina
Hey. I'm bored. wanna hang out? :)

I smiled at this. I typed and pressed send.

To:Martina
Me too ._. ... Oh Sure :D

From:Martina
Well meet me in the park near our school Okay. :)

To:Martina
Alright, See ya. :D

I sent the last one then I rushed downstairs. I didn't know why, but here I was, Samantha walters, Going to a meet up with someone I barely knew. I know that sounds crazy. But form only one conversation. I felt like I could trust this girl. Here, I found myself treating her as if we knew eachother isnce fprever. I wanted to look presentable so I wore a pair of skinny jeans on the same shirt on me and a pair of converse -Since I'll never wear the painful crap called Heels that Elena bought with me since the 'Plan' is no more in action and she doesn't seem to remember me- then I held up my hair in a ponytail, grabbed my phone and my keys and went down to my little blue car.

I started the engine then drove off to the park. when I got out. I walked to the park's entrance and looked around. there were kids playing, people walking and lot's of other activities yet the place felt so peaceful. I kep on looking around, and there she was; a short blonde girl sitting by the lake. as I approached I had noticed that she held a book and she had her headphones on. something I liked to do often myself. as I got closer I could see she could feel my existance as she too her headphones off and turned around and stood up.

"Hey" I said as I smiled at her. I could get a closer look at her now. Her face looked too familiar. She had Teddy-Bear-like brown eyes and her hair wasn't totally blonde. Something brownish-blonde like Jason's but a lighter shade. She looked so cute and calm. Only the sight of her could remind you of good things and those storng friendships that are in the movies.

"hey back" she said as we both sat down by the lake. we made random conversations till she asked that question.

"How did you get there?" She asked while loking at the lake as it reflected the beautiful scene of twilight.

"Get where?" I asked confused.

"The Party, I mean. " She cleared out.

"Oh, that. I went with Jerkf- I mean Parker." i said.

she quirked an eyebrow, looking surprised "But you didn't seem like Jason's type. I mean, this... was the last thing I had expected. You know He's a player right?" She asked uncertainly.

My eyebrows shot up as I realized what she was talking about "No! you misunderstood. He's Just my friend we're not dating or anything!" I said quickly.

she seemed to relax a bit. "well that's good, I guess. You look like a naive girl. I wouldn't like to watch you being played like all those other girls." she said truthfully. she went on quickly "But Believe me, Jason is a good person. He just kind of puts on the cold arrogant facade cause he thinks he's protecting himself that way. but when he trusts you he's all mush on Inside" She chuckled "But he just... He'd never trusted anyone eversince..." She paused and looked at the ground. I wanted to know how she knew all this but before this I had another question.

"Eversince what?" I asked curiously.

she sighed. "Look, I'll teel you just because you look kind and trustworthy and all that. But please don't tell anyone." She said.

I nodded "Okay I promise." I said as I stuck out my pinky. She cocked an eyebrow. amusement clear on her face. "Pinky promise?" I said uncertainly. but I smiled when she hooked her own pinky into mine and nodded.

"So...?" I trailed off.

"Okay." She sighed. "Two years ago, Jason was a completely different person. he used to stand up for the bullied and prevented other guys from beating up weaker people. till one day, there was a girl. she was getting bullied by Miranda and her gang all along. sometimes they even beat her up after school. Jason stood up for her. He protected her all the time. at some point I could remember they were inseparable. and ocasionally,He fell in love with her.." she paused then looked up at me. I nodded for her to continue.

"He was so happy with her. Stephanie was his everything. he treated her like a princess and he just trusted her on his life." she looked at the sky then continued. "But one day. She broke him. He discovered that She was cheating on him all along. With his bestfriend." her voice was soft "That she never loved him back and that she's been using him for his kindness. This broke him into oblivion. he was a mess and everybody could tell. Until one day, He changed. He started to bully others, go around with random sluts and had that evil gang of his. all his old friends were gone and so was the old Jason. the only ones that are still there for him are Luke and Jake. and since that day, Jason Parker rarely trusts people". She finished as she looked up at me.

tears were streaming down my face already. his story sounded so myuch like what James had done to me. He cheated on me with my best friend. now I understood what he meant when he told me he knew how it felt. now I only knew I wasn't the only one who was running from the past.

i felt her arms being wrapped around me, soothing me till I finally stopped spilling tears. But then there was this question still nudging at the back of me head.

"How'd you know all this?" I asked curiously. she looked taken aback a bit.

"well that's another secret..." she trailed off. I nodded to her to continue.

"We were Bestfriends." she sighed. smiling sadly as she looked down.

and then it hit me! I knew now why her face felt so familiar !

She was the short blonde girl in Jason's older Pictures that also were with Luke and Jake!

But what happened?

apparently I just said that aloud casue she chuckled the I heared her reply. "After he had changed, we used to fight. alot. like you know the normal fights between friends. but one day, he had gone too far with it. He spread rumors that we did argue because I was throwing myself at him. He also said I was taking older boy's numbers to do inapproperiate stuff with them..." this time it was her with tears pouring out of her eyes. "Th-this B-broke me. I was so naive right then I would've never done such stuff. and he knew it. He was the only friend I had. Since my parents are dead and I live with my grandma and I had no friends because I used to get Bullied alot. I was one of those whom he'd saved. He was a hero to me. My brother who had protected me. B-but now... He has turned into a monster." She finished and Then I was embracing her. running my hand over her hair, hushing her and telling her that everything is going to be okay. 

"You have me now. W-we're friends, Right?" I asked uncertainly as I Smiled down at her. I knew I probably needed her more than she ever needed me. but most of all, I knew right now that I actually have a friend. I looked at the sky as the fact that I happened to realize right now played in my mind over and over again.

That no matter who you are. You have something in the past that made you the way you are now.

and I knew that Everybody was Just like Me, Jason, Even Martina and most probably Tyler and everybody else;

Everybody's Running from the past.

♥~♥~♥~♥~♥~♥~♥~♥~♥~♥~♥~♥~♥~♥~♥~♥~♥~♥~♥~♥~♥~♥~♥~♥~♥~♥~

Sooo What do you think ? :D Hope you liked it ! What do you think will happen next? What are James Intentions? Jason Really knew how it felt! What do you think about it? How do you think the friendship between Sam and Martina will turn out? Say your opinion!!

P.S. James' Picture is at the side :D (Remember how I told you to not let the pictures tie you. Let your imagination run.) >>

Sooo.. Wait for the Next Chapter AND...

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All these would mean the world to me.. :') <3

Love xxx. ^^ ♥

xo-Toka ;)