Make believe

Chapter 14

The drive to Ashton's apartment was short and quiet. The second I stepped outside my house, it had started to rain. Water splashed against the windshield, creating a repetitive melody that was calming and serene. I felt oddly at ease, my nerves settled and my mind cleared. I was reminded of the time I had gotten caught in the rain; the first time I had met Ashton. I grinned at the memory. What if he hadn't offered me a ride home that night? It's an odd thought, considering for the past few weeks, almost all i've done is spend my time with him and the boys.

What would've filled my days instead of them? Probably Aubree, and the occasional day spent alone. I snuck a side-glance at Ashton whose hands drummed absent-mindidly on the steering wheel to an unheard beat inside his head. His features seemed faded in the pale light of the clouded sky; they seemed softened and rounder. He felt my gaze and cocked his head in my direction, an eyebrow raised. I gave him a soft smile, attempting to brighten the mood a bit. He shot me a dimpled grin then directed his attention back to the road.

We didn't speak as we stepped out of the car in to the pouring rain and continued in to the lobby. Normally, I would've admired the beauty of the rain; it's pureness and wonderful song. I would've gotten caught up in its graceful beat as it fell from the crying sky; but my mind felt blurred. Kind of numb. It's as if my thoughts were more clouded than the dark sky above.

The old lady at the front desk acknowledged us as we walked passed, Ashton giving her a kind nod as he pressed the elevator button. As the doors shut and a cloud of silence threatened to consume us, words were finally spoken.

"We understand." Was all he said. I guess, in a way, that's all the needed to be said. My expression said I was fine, my mouth said I was great, but by his looks, I guessed my eyes told the truth. I felt half there; the other half of my mind reliving the stress of fighting for that door. Being thrown through the crowd. Being pulled and tugged by Luke. Feeling the ice cold fear tug my heart at the first shot.

I shook the thoughts from my head and followed Ashton through the doors and down the hallways. We walked side by side, lightly bumping into each other as we walked. He set his key in the lock and turned it, gently pushing the door open. The apartment seemed lifeless; no lights on, only the soft light in the room coming from the TV.

"Hey!" Calum sounded surprised as he untangled from the covers on the couch and stood. "I didn't know if you'd come or not-"

"Mate, where's Luke?" Ashton interrupted as he tossed his keys on the kitchen counter.

"He's asleep I think" Calum answered as he made his way over to me. I shut the door and when I turned around, he was there, ready for a hug.

"Hey Cal." I said as his arms wrapped around me, and just as quickly as it happened, it was over; him stepping away and reaching for a lamp to illuminate the room. In the light, I saw his face more clearly; a bright smile plastered across his face, though his eyes were dull and careful. He looked as if he wanted to say something...ask me something maybe? But he kept quiet and gave me a comforting look.

I loved that they cared and were being steady around me, but honestly, how would that help me? I needed them to act normally; as they would if nothing had happened. I didn't want them walking on thin ice around me while I was trying to forget the whole thing anyway.

I needed Ashton's loud observations while he fought for attention. I needed to hear Calum's stupid jokes that made me laugh; not because they were funny but because they were so incompetent it was amusing. Luke wasn't even here; somewhere sleeping I guess. And where was Michael?

Just as I was about to say something, I heard loud footsteps treading down the hallway at an impressive speed.

"Laraine!" Michael exclaimed as he came in to the room. My mood lifted instantly at the sight of his happiness and a grin broke out across my face as he pulled me into a hug, lifting me off the ground. I giggled as he squeezed me tightly, me hugging him just as hard back.

"Laraine, how are you?" He asked as he set me down. Calum had walked in to the kitchen flipping the light on, and had begun a quiet conversation with Ashton. They hunched over opposite sides of the island, heads bent, eyes locked.

"Good! I'm good." I answered. It felt so good-amazing, actually, to be treated normally. He nodded happily, his green hair whisking through the air as he did.

"Are you hungry?"

I shook my head. "I'm good." His eyes dimmed a bit, his expression hardened.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, Michael." I laughed as I side-stepped the boy, looking towards the kitchen, wondering what those two were talking about. A hand grasped for my wrist and gently turned me to face the other direction. Michael was looking at me with an expression I couldn't quiet read.

"Laraine... I know what happened is pretty traumatic, but...you haven't stopped eating, have you?" He whispered, searching my eyes for a lie.

"What?" My eyes widen and cheeks reddened. "No, of course not." I answered. His face softened as he let go of my wrist.

"Just...just making sure." I nodded slowly and walked in to the kitchen. Ashton's voice came to a halt as I entered, Calum's gaze breaking from Ashton.

"Up for a movie?" Ashton asked to no one in particular.

"I could go for a movie." Michael said, quickly grabbing a snack then making a beeline for his special recliner. Calum just nodded and began searching for a good film to watch. I was left in the kitchen with Ashton, who watched me with curious eyes as he leant across the island, fiddling with the bracelets around his wrist.

Deciding to put Michael's worries at ease, I grabbed a snack too and turned to leave. I felt Ashton's eyes stay on me. Turning around abruptly, I walked swiftly to where he stood and leaned against the marble counter as well, meeting his stare.

"What?"

"What?" He countered.

"You." I stated, slightly annoyed.

"Me?" He asked, raising an eyebrow, a puzzled expression on his face. I sighed.

"Yes, you." His face grew more confused. "You're walking on broken glass around me. You're not acting like yourself; Calum either, and it's pissing me off." He shook his head, his face blank.

"I..." He started, the took a breath. He let it out slowly, then shook his head. "I know what you're talking about. I know. I'm sorry." He looked up and in to my eyes. "It's just...I don't really know how to deal with it, ya know? I'm trying to be understanding and careful and comforting-"

"I don't want that." I interjected. "I don't want that. I want you guys to be your usual loud, funny, annoying selves." He smirked at my description of him and the boys, then nodded.

"Okay." He simply said with a smile.

"Good." I said. He held an arm out to me, a goofy grin danced across his lips.

"Shall we?" He asked dramatically. I smiled at him being his old self once again. His goofiness was comforting and familiar and I linked my arm with his as we walked to the living room, a genuine smile on my face.