Make believe

Chapter 17

I took one last longing look at the clouded sky as I stood there on that balcony. Somewhere far away, the earth grumbled and thunder sounded through the air. Below, people roamed the streets; fathers walking with their daughters. Couples strolling hand in hand. As I watched, I silently wished I could be any one of them; to walk down the street without a care in the world.

I closer my eyes and all I could see was Luke. Staring right back at me. I was mesmerized by his longing stare, his shy, infectious smile. As a breeze blew by, I hugged myself in an attempt to keep my body heat contained and was reminded of experiencing the short-lived sensation of being warmed by Luke's body. Heat had radiated off his body despite the cold morning air, and I had been consumed in it, just for a moment.

I sighed and turned from the grey painted scene and went for the door. The glass hanging open was empty and dreary, and I could remember perfectly watching his body disappear through the archway. Shutting the door behind me, I softly padded through the kitchen and on to the soft plush carpet of the living room. There was Michael who seized to notice my presence as he was submerged completely in the film and watched with wide eyes as the creepy music spead up. Ashton had returned to his phone and was scrolling absent-mindidly. Luke had taken his place on the couch again, and although I knew he sensed my figure near the door, he didn't look up to meet my stare.

It was Calum who looked from the movie and saw me awkwardly swaying near the kitchen. I could've made a scene. I could've asked Luke if he was going to kiss me or if it was all just in my head; which I knew it wasn't. I could've sat down next to him like nothing had happened and continue to watch the shining, and hopefully occupy my thoughts of Jack Torrance and his family, instead of Luke's lips.

Or I could leave.

And that's what I decided was best.

"Uhh, I think I'm gonna head out." I said as I gained their attention. Luke's head perked up and looked in my general direction, but he never looked me in the eye. Calum looked between us with a knowing expression, then settled his eyes on Luke, awaiting his reaction.

"What? No, Laraine." Ashton turned around and set his phone down. "You've been here just over an hour." He pleaded. Michael swiveled in his recliner to face me, a pout firm on his face.

"Laraaaineee." He cooed. "The movie's almost over, just-just stay 'till its over, yeah?"

Calum sat silently watching me, then Luke, then me again. I guessed he hadn't shared with the boys what he had witnessed on the balcony. His brown eyes darted back and forth between us two, wondering if Luke was going to speak up. I was wondering the same thing.

I gave Michael a slight smile as I answered, "I've really gotta get going."

"What's so important, Laraine?" Ashton asked curiously. "I mean after what you went th-" he paused mid-sentence, unsure of wether to bring up last nights events or not. His eyes questioned mine, and when I said nothing, he continued.

"After what you went through, don't you just- just wanna chill? Hang out and not worry about anything?"

I wanted to stay, I really did. But at the same time, I couldn't imagine having to endure a day of Luke acting differently around me. I wondered what was going through his head at the moment as he tugged and pulled anxiously at the loose threads of the blanket on his lap.

Did he regret what almost happened?

Did he not want to ruin our friendship? If so, I couldn't help but respect him for that; but I also loathed him for it.

A chorus of 'stays' and pleases' echoed through the room. 'Just say the word, Luke,' I thought. 'Tell me to stay, and I will.'

He stayed silent as his friends encouraged me to not leave. I sighed and reluctantly reached for my bag, slipping it over my shoulder.

"I've really got to be leaving, guys."

A few minutes later, after goodbyes had been said, I was about to walk out the door. Ashton had stood and hugged me tightly, whispering in my ear to call if I needed anything. I gave him a small smile and waved goodbye to the other boys. I noticed Luke earned a few odd glances from the boys when he didn't up and hug me; but I didn't expect him to.

As I was about to walk through the door, I paused, feeling eyes on my back. I turned slightly, and there was Calum, eying me softly with sad eyes. A knowing gaze was shared between us as the others became preoccupied with each other. His lips were curved downward slightly as he watched me. I sighed, opening the door farther and broke eye-contact with the boy as I walked through and shut it softly.

The hallway was cold and smelt of air-freshener. Wall-lamps were hung on both ends of the hall, creating a dim, but comforting atmosphere. All the doors were closed and the area was deserted. I leaned slightly on the door and took a deep breath, exhaling slowly and carefully. I knew I should have been worrying about Luke and I's now tainted friendship; I should've wondered how different things would be. I should have hurt at the change in our relationship.

But all I could think of was the way he looked at me. The way my stomach fluttered as he leaned in, ever so slightly. The way he smelt of mint and hair gel. Even then, I felt shivers run down my spine as I closed my eyes and saw the way his blue eyes seemed to trace around my features; memorizing them. I saw the way he took his lip between his teeth and how his dimples showed themselves as my lips neared.

I sighed and a single tear ran down my cheek. I wasn't crying; no more came. One tear held all the pain and hurt I had been holding in, and that was it. I was mesmerized by my feelings for the boy. I knew I had a crush on him, I admitted to myself that much. I think I knew the first time I saw his lop-sided smile and realized it was directed toward me.

But this feeling...this feeling was so strong. I felt content and blissful from the way he had held me tenderly and brushed his lips lightly to mine- the whisper of a kiss. The essence of something that was to be, but never came to life.

And I also felt like I had just lost something that I never even realized I could've had.

I shook my head clearing the mess of thoughts tangled in my head, and began walking down the maze of hallways and to the elevator. I pressed the button, and as I did, my phone came to life. Reaching into my bag, I pulled it out and answered without checking the ID.

"Hello?"