The Troubled [COMPLETED]

Chapter fifteen

I feel as if the walls are crashing in on me, like there's no use for me in this life.

But why is it I feel this way?

Maybe because I'm so damn sick of people saying that I have problems. I can handle it when others say it because after hearing it so many times I guess I've just gotten used to it, almost as if I'm numb to the words and their meaning.

But when Jaebum said it, it really hit home. Maybe it's because I've gotten so attached to him and the rest of the guys.

You know in the beginning I would warn myself not to get too attached to the guys because I always knew that they would get sick of me after a few months just like the other families did.

But I guess after years being with them I put that feeling away but at the same time I guess I always had that feeling just deep down inside. Like I put that feeling and all of the thoughts of doubt away just to be happy. And for what?

Now I know how they feel. Jaebum's words just proved it to me, that they see me as nothing but a 'problematic child' as well. Just like everyone else.

But now I'm done. Seeing as none of the guys are coming here to get me just shows how much I really mean to them. I mean nothing just like to everyone else. I never ever had a real family ever.

Not even when I thought I did have a real family did I not, everything I know is a lie and the minute I think things are safe is when everything changes.

I mean think about it I always thought that I had the perfect family. A loving mother, caring father, best brother who was always there for me when I needed him most. And now guess where I am?

Had an abusive father which isn't caring at all.

The brother who was always there for me when I needed him most of all ended up running away and never showing up again so that was a huge change and lie that I was caught up in.

And lastly the one that hurts the most. My mother the kind and loving one. She definitely lived up to her title of a loving mother but she also showed just how much of and actress she really was. Always had a smile on when us kids walked int through the door probably after a horrible beating. Always kind to my father even when he would abuse her the way he did she still 'acted' as if she loved him.

Unless she actually did love him? If that was the case then the woman was insane for loving someone who was a monster like him.

But all I could think of was how all of my thoughts were suffocating me. The feeling of truly losing people, it felt terrible. I didn't even realize that someone had come into the room until I felt someone's thumb dry away my tears.

I looked up seeing as it was Jungkook. I don't know what to feel when I'm with him but whenever I look into his eyes it's almost as if I feel safe and sound for once in my life. I know most people would say 'why do you feel unsafe?' I know I have it pretty good but I always screw it up in some way. No matter what I screw up everything.

Without even thinking I ran into Jungkook's arms, hugging him as I let all of my tears fall. I felt safe as he wrapped one arm around my torso as the other stroked my hair as he tried to calm me down, "shhh, it's okay I'm here for you... jagi." I felt as he kissed the top of my head, holding me tighter now.

I felt so safe in his arms like as if I were flying and knew that he would be there to catch me if I was falling down from the sky.

I have no clue what this feeling is, this loud beating sound in my chest as if my heart wants to just jump out of my chest. I want to say it's love but maybe Jaebum's right what do I know about love?