stars

sixteen

he was the new purpose in my life.

i dedicated everything to him, to make sure he grew up with memories of an amazing life; memories he'd have just in case anything went wrong, which i prayed to god it wouldn't.

but even he couldn't stop my endless suffering. i'd cry, sometimes, and as quiet as i tried to be, dealing with nightmares just wasn't something i did knowingly.

"daddy," a small, five-year-old told me as he walked into our room one night, rubbing his eyes tiredly, "you're sad. don't be sad."

i looked up at him, eyes wide, before quickly wiping away my tears. asuka stirred quietly.

"c'mere," i said, holding my arms out. slowly, he walked over, and when he was next to me i lifted him up onto the bed, setting him on my lap.

"sometimes daddy has nightmares," i explained, smiling softly, "about things that happened a long time ago. sometimes i'm still a little sad, and i see that in my dreams. but i'm not really sad, okay?" i ruffled his brown hair gently.

"okay," he mumbled, wrapping his little arms around me, "i'm gonna sleep."

"you go sleep," i chuckled, setting him down between asuka and me, "goodnight buddy."

"night dad. no more nightmares," he mumbled as he slowly drifted away.

"okay," i said quietly as i laid down, trying to fall asleep again.