stars

fourteen

"hajime, i have something t—" the smile fell off of her face when she saw my dejected stance, my empty gaze. "hajime?"

"i can't move on. i'm not allowed to," i whispered, "i'm trying. i'm not allowed to. he won't allow me to."

"what do you mean?"

"asuka, i love you so fucking much. but i'm not who you need me to be. i don't think i can ever be," i said softly, looking up at her, "i don't think you should put up with this."

"what? are you crazy?" she asked, walking over to me and sitting down next to me. "i'm not leaving you. never. i love you and this has always been present. i love you still. so don't you dare try to escape from this marriage. i won't want to split because of your mourning."

"are you sure?" i bit my lip, looking at the determination on her face.

"i'm sure. and i have an even better reason to stay around now," she grinned, grabbing her purse, "so you'd better not leave me."

"what?" i asked weakly, confusion apparent on my face. she then pulled a long, rectangular object out of her purse, and held it in front of me.

it took me a few moments to realize what it was, what it meant, and when i did realize, i looked up at her with disbelief, surprise, and joy streaming through my veins.

"is this real?"

"yep," she grinned, starting to tear up, "it's real."

"so i'm— i'm gonna be—"

"you're gonna be a dad, hajime," she laughed, "i'm pregnant."

"i'm gonna be a dad," i whispered, eyes opened wide, "a dad, me— i'm gonna be a dad. holy crap." i looked over at her, my smile growing and growing, "we're gonna be parents."

"we are!"

i grab her and hold her close, hugging her and crying into her shoulder. i didn't think i had any tears left, but for this little amazingly timed miracle i could definitely make some spill.

it didn't scare me. it excited me. which i personally found strange, when looking back, for i now would've expected myself to fall into a frenzy and go crazy over the fact that i had more responsibility, that this was a whole new stage of moving on. but i was excited and euphoric and so so looking forward to this next part of my lives.

of our lives.

and i hoped he'd be excited for me too.