HURT | namjin.

thirty

Stretching out his hands, Namjoon's undivided  attention draws to Jin. He was giggling along to something Jimin was saying a serene look on his face.

He giggles again as Jimin playfully pushes him and he pretends to fall. Laughing Jimin reaches over and pulls him back up, drawing Jin closer to him. They were cute Namjoon unhappily thought.

If only he could have Jin again, they would have been a million times cuter. Yawning Namjoon rubs his eyes, he couldn't fall asleep all night. He was utterly exhausted but every time his eyes almost closed, his mind would snap him back awake with the thought of Jin.

And then when Namjoon had fallen asleep finally, he would instantly wake up a waste covered in sweat as he kept having nightmares. Stupid nightmares about Jin. Ones about Jin leaving him forever, Jin being hurt, and Jin never talking to him again.

"Are you alright Joon? Hoseok asked softly, a slight look of worry, ruining his usual smiling face. He eyed the other members, concern was evident in all their eyes. He gulped.

Namjoon ignores it "Fine" he mummers, his eyes returning to Jin who was now playfully dancing with Jimin their bodies clinging together as they giggled in perfect fucking harmony.

Gritting his teeth Namjoon continued "Perfectly fine" and then he pushed past Hoseok and headed into the bathroom. Not even bothering to lock the door Namjoon just shut it as he sank onto the cool marble of the bathroom floor.

Reaching into one of the drawers he hastily opened at took out one of the pill bottles. He eyed the bottle, he had been clean for almost a month and a half. And to say he was happy and proud of himself would be an understatement.

But right now, no one loved him. He'd stopped taking these because he loved himself, even if no one else did. He loved himself.

But right now, Namjoon didn't exactly feel like loving himself. How much of a shithead was he that he had rejected Jin.

A big shithead he decided.

Taking two at once and pushing them into the crevice of his mouth. He sighed as the bittersweet flavor hit his mouth and he recalled ruined nights as the darkness creeped upon him.

Here he was again in the darkest part of his life. Gluping one of them down he welcomed the familar darkness. He was at rock bottom again. He remembered once, as encouragement he used to say to the band that once they were at their lowest that could only get higher.

Wrong.

He decided to prove himself wrong the adrenaline rushing to his head if he took a few more. He could only go lower, and more lower.

All he seemed to do was be able to go lower. So why not? Why not just keep going lower and lower? He sighed, that saying was shit anyways.

Grinning he pushed another onto his mouth, he laughed to himself. He was such a fool, such a damn fool. He laughed harder, he wondered what people would think if they saw him now. They'd probably think he was a lunatic.

"Namjoon?" a voice softly whispered and Namjoon titled his head up from where he had it buried in is hands and eyed the ghost version of Jin.

It was quite stange how the Jin in his imagination and the one in real life looked the same. Not a single difference. His imagination was really amazing.

He laughed again, a softer laugh. Smiling at Jin softly he reached over, finger touching his cheek. He felt so real too. Eyes sad he whispered "Ah, you've come back to taunt me."

The ghost of Jin titled his, just looking even more confused. He placed one hand on Namjoon's shoulder as he started to speak.

Oh and Namjoon knew, Namjoon knew. He knew he'd fucked up becuase this wasn't ghost Jin this was real Jin.

Fuck.

~~~~~~~

Today is the last day of summer break.
Meaning tomorrow I have school.😭😭😭