HURT | namjin.

thirty-two

Namjoon couldn't face Jin, couldn't bare to look at him. But he forced himself to, shifting his body, he watched Jin's teary eyes watch him. He was so so tired, he didn't want to be here. He wished he was anywhere but here.

Here in this closed little bathroom his hair messy, his face flushed, and his clothes rumpled. And Jin there standing and looking at him, it was all too much. He didn't want to be here, anywhere but here.

Burying his face into his hands, Namjoon closed his eyes. He couldn't bare to look at Jin anymore, he didn't want to be here. But Jin needed to know, he had to know. Voice breaking he asked the question Namjoon was dreading, "Why?"

No.

No, no he didn't want to answer that.

Jin didn't care, he needed to know. He desperately need to know why someone would go this far, to this point. What had happened to the happy and lively Namjoon he knew? The one who flashed Jin a dimpled smile, as he looked like he had the whole world figured out?

Where in the world was that Namjoon now? Maybe Jin had misjudged him, maybe Namjoon had changed.

Namjoon froze, trying not to squirm under Jin's gaze, he didn't know what to say. What was he even supposed to say? He guessed the could say the only thing he knew how to say, the truth.

"I was lonely" he slowly whispered out because right now that was the only answer he could think of. It hurt him, it really hurt him that he himself had dropped this low. But he knew he had done it for that one simple reason: loneliness.

Even Ji-hye couldn't do a thing, he loved her he still did, he would always love her he knew that. Somewhere in his heart he had a place for her, her his first love.

Of course he didn't love her as he once did, he harbored no feelings for her. He cared for her however, he cared as a friend. But she hadn't cared, she hadn't cared enough to try to help him. She hadn't cared enough talk to him, to not have him feel so lonely and empty. Namjoon knew that now.

And that was the reason he was going to back out of this dumb marriage, and that was she was leaving his life. She deserved better than a broken soul. So did Jin.

So he would bear this stupid loneliness alone. Jin just stared at him, unsure on what he was even supposed to say, he dropped down next to Namjoon. Pulling Namjoon closer to him, he held the man.

Smushed against Jin, Namjoon snapped. He couldn't take any of this anymore, he hated it. Despised it, all of it.

His face buried into Jin's shirt he closed his eyes and let those tears out. The tears that he had held in, the ones for the heartbreak he felt. The ones he'd pushed back for so many nights.

Sobbing into Jin, his mind took a turn as he thought of all his foolish sadness or loneliness, and all those stupid dark thoughts he felt about himself. He sobbed more. Enough was enough, he was done.

Jin just held him, rocking him back and forth in his arms occasionally. Sometimes he would even place a kiss on Namjoon's head. Jin just held him. And Namjoon just cried.

He was going to lose Jin becuase of this he knew that, but he was grateful for the time they spent. Jin though was hearbroken, Namjoon was his everything, is his everything.

It hurt so damn much to see Namjoon like this, it broke him. Pulling Namjoon closer to him, his mind flashed back to all those months back. He recalled a old memory, he had promised Namjoon then that he would fix him.

It was vivid in Jin's memory now, Namjoon had said that Ji-Hye girl had broken him. And as he's sobbed into Jin's arm, Jin had promised to fix him. He may have broken his promise up until now, but he would fix this.

Namjoon wasn't broken, he was just tainted. Jin understood that now, Namjoon had loved and loved that girl. And in the end he'd lost her, he couldn't imagine the pain Namjoon had gone through.

And somewhere along the way, he'd loved Jin. And he'd lost Jin too, but unlike Ji-Hye, Jin would never leave him. He'd stay by Namjoon's side, forever, he was going to do that.

He looked at Namjoon, he had his head buried in Jin's chest. His eyes were closed and he was  breathing Jin in and out. Jin smiled a little he looked like a angel, his angel.

"Namjoon" Jin called out softly, no response. He must have fallen asleep. And he looked so peaceful Jin couldn't bear to wake him up. Cradling Namjoon to his chest he stood up and scopped Namjoon up bridal style.

Leaving the dimly lit bathroom he tried to walk to his room, Namjoon was a bit heavy. Taking careful steps forward, Jin pushed the door open and set Namjoon onto his bed.

Draping the blanket over his sleeping figure he smiled softly. Someone had left music playing in his room, and the comfort of the music plus Namjoon's familiar face just made Jin want to sleep.

He was exhausted and sleep and he really didn't want to leave Namjoon's side. So he took a step closer next to the boy and curled his body right up next to him.

He could only see Namjoon's face, the rest of his body was under the blanket, and Jin was curled next to him on top of the blanket.

Closing his eyes, he enjoyed the warmth radiating from Namjoon's body. He felt safe, he felt at home.

Finally content, Jin fell asleep.

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I can't stop listenting to epiphany, Jin's vocals are heaven.😭