HURT | namjin.

twenty-one

*3 months later*

As he lay on the bed kissing Ji-hye he wondered what was wrong with him. Why didn't her kiss taste the same as before was their love no longer real? Maybe he was just going out of his mind.

She had it all, she was beautiful, she was perfect. And she had that touch that could make any man fall for her. He could taste her lipstick on his lips but all he felt was guilt about Jin.

He could feel her fingertips brush against his chest as he groaned into her lips. She's perfect he thought once again, but he wasn't for all he could think about was Jin. What was wrong with him? He had a girlfriend, he didn't need Jin.

He had her, he would never need Jin if he had her.

Ji-Hye, as if noticing Namjoon wasn't as into it as usual she arched her back and kissed him deeper, harder. And he of course instantly kissed her back, he couldn't help it she was making him lose his mind. He could hear her slight laugh as she noticed the little blush on his cheek.

Curving her back onto him, he kissed her harder smelling the faint smell of her perfume. It was making him insane, she was perfect he thought again.

Maybe if Jin was more like her he could love him too. But then he instanly regretted that thought, no one could be like her.

Who was he to think that? He had broken Jin's heart, he had no right. But as she ran her fingers up and down his back all he could think was all his memories with Jin seemed so old. He could remember when they would talk all night. When Jin would laugh that laugh of his, and Namjoon no matter what would laugh alongside him.

But that seemed like years ago. In a life where everything was simple.

Gasping into Ji-Hye's mouth, his thoughts once again drifted away. He remembered that once Jin was his, once upon a time Kim Seokjin loved him. But now? Now he had no idea what they were. That was what hurt the most.

Not knowing what he was Jin to anymore, not knowing if Jin even care anymore. Tears pricked at his eyes, and he just wanted to lay down and cry himself to sleep. He couldn't though Ji-hye, she was still kissing him. And she was still his girlfriend.

He wished he could tell Jin how he felt now, but it was too late. Honestly at this point, Jin might just not care and it might not even help with anything. He would never tell Jin how he felt.

He screwed up something that was already perfect, who was he to try to fix it? Broken things, can't ever be repaired. His relationship with Jin couldn't ever be repaired either.

Jin was gone, he'd left, Namjoon wondered what he was doing. He could almost smell Jin maybe that was weird. But he could feel Jin lingering around.

As he kissed Ji-hye something in his mindset changed he decided to pretend Jin was Ji-hye. He prented they were skin to skin, he pretended Jin was keeping him safe and warm.

And then he pulled away instantly and pushed her off the top of me. Breathing in, he sighed this was wrong, he shouldn't think of Jin. Ji-Hye gave him a curious look, he ignored it and just shaking his head, he pulled her closer to him and placed his lips back on hers.

Trying to banish all thoughts of Jin out of his mind.

As for Jin he was far away, Hawaii to be exact. As he kissed the hot guy in front of him, he pretended it was Namjoon. He pretended they were skin to skin. Namjoon was keeping him safe and warm.

For no matter how much he tried to forget Namjoon, he remembered his foolish love for that man. Jin was a fool, a lovesick fool. He was in love with someone who would never see him the same, it was ridiculous. He had said he loved him, he had said so many promises to Namjoon. Promises to move on, move on and find someone else.

Just like Namjoon.

And he was trying, he really was.

But even though he tried to forget he still could remember Namjoon. He remembered so many sweet memories of them together. Them dreaming of places they wanted to go. Them in the beginning when they had barely gotten anywhere with their careers. Lost and confused, but still happy.

Them together when they had nothing, and all they had done was laugh.

He tried to convince himself he'd moved on. But then again how can someone move on in three months from someone he had loved for more than two years? Jin needed more time, much much more time.

And then maybe he could leave this all behind, and maybe one day Namjoon would be nothing more than a friend to him.

Jin had screwed up when he had told Namjoon that he had loved him, he should have just lied. He pushed Namjoon to the corner of his mind, trying to forget. But no, he would always remember Namjoon. He would always remember their love and the endless amount of memories they had made together.

But now it was time to make new memories.

~~~~~~~

Welp I'm not so sure about this chapter, but I wrote it so it's too late anyways.

Thoughts?