unchained

ten

— mild language used

Dan
3:09am

I couldn't sleep.

I was restless.

I envied Amelia for sleeping soundly next to me, when all I could think about was Phil. I couldn't keep it wired tightly it anymore.
I grabbed my phone and opened Phil in my contacts, my fingers poising tentatively over the keyboard. Knowing he would wake up to my message and not knowing how he would react was worse than the text itself.
Amelia was right. I had to bite the bullet and rid Phil from my life. Maybe not completely, maybe just until I got married, but over the past two days he had made me question everything, and truth be told, I was scared. Amelia brought be back to normality, and I wasn't prepared to let anyone compromise my harmonious relationship.

I had rehearsed the order of the text message and what I needed to say at least fifty times before I wrote it. I went back over, deleted certain parts and re-wrote them. I was a mess.
There was no going back now, anyway, as I hovered over the 'send' button, I sent the message. I placed my phone back on my nightstand, but I didn't fall asleep. I thought I would feel better now that I had finally got it over with, but the seed planting the guilty feeling in the pit of my chest was beginning to grow even further.

God, I missed him already.

I lay still, staring at the bland hotel ceiling. My eyes were wide and stinging. My tiresome body was not strong enough to block the flashbacks of me and Phil the day I left for America. To this day, I still remember the exact words he said to me. I remembered the fact that I couldn't bear seeing him again, incase my love for him wasn't just a phase, which is what I hoped it would be now, too; because if this was love, it hurt a whole fucking lot.