unchained

twelve

Phil
9:36am

"It's not fair that you're making me choose between our past and our present."

The words played on a vicious loop sounding through my head as I tried to make sense of them.

What did he mean I'm 'making him choose'? And what on earth did he mean by 'between our past and our present'?
Our present, our reality, was my crippling debt, my unrequited love for Dan and his soon-to-be marriage to another woman. To me, our past symbolised the memory of our friendship that was no longer.

'I'm afraid I can't see you again."

Was he losing his mind? Because I sure was. I wanted answers and an explanation for his out of the blue behaviour. Then it hit me.

I didn't know just how much Dan had told Amelia about us, but I began to question her involvement. I wasn't been left in the lurch, so I picked up my phone, shaking angrily, scrolled to my contacts, and I called Dan.
The blood was boiling inside my body, and my heart was somersaulting. My eyes began to dart around the room nervously and just as the phone was about to ring out, he picked up.

Silence.

"What the hell was that text about?" I dove straight in.
"I've said all I needed to say..."
"What the hell, Dan?" I yelled down the phone, my brow furrowed. "What do you mean 'I'm making you choose'? Where has this even come from?"
His voice was dejected and distant.
"I'm not doing this right now, Phil."
"No. Don't you dare hang up. Don't be such a coward."
There was a brief pause.
"I should never have gone back to you, I knew it would be risky. I'm remembering it all, Phil, all our memories, and it's interfering with my relationship with Amelia. She knows about us. I can't have you around me anymore, it's too hard for me. You took me out, made me re-live our past. You should never have made me choose in the first place!" He stammered.
My core was on fire. I was infuriated that he was blaming his failed marriage on two days with me.
"You're blaming this on me? Do you have any idea how selfish that is? If you truly loved her, it shouldn't be a choice." I snapped.

I wasn't sure if it was me or him that ended the call, but I wasn't done yet. I wasn't going down without a fight. I wasn't having a repeat of last time, where he left me, and neither of us spoke for seven years, only to return with unresolved issues. I needed to see him and talk it out.
Face to face.

I pulled on my jacket and slipped on my shoes, storming out of my apartment leaving my breakfast on the counter untouched. I had no idea what I was doing, or where I would go, so I slammed my car door shut, and made my way to the first place that came to mind: his hotel room.

My hands gripped the steering wheel vigorously, my eyes never leaving the road, I dodged and drove past cars way over the speed limit. To the ordinary passer-by, I looked as though I was in a crazy car chase on the run.

Raging yet holding back a flood of tears, I stormed up the stairs to Dan's room, each step forceful with intent. I could see his door from the end of the hallway, so I sprinted towards it. I knew he always left the door open for the cleaners, so I lurched forwards, and the door flung open in its frame almost bursting from its hinges.

Only, I didn't see Dan.

What I did see left me rooted to the spot, my mouth agape as I struggled for words. I raised my shaking hand and placed it over my mouth to prevent my sharp breaths escaping.
I looked again, just to make sure I wasn't going insane. But what I saw was crystal clear and I couldn't unsee it.

It was the sight of Amelia, half-dressed and in the arms of another man.

"You, you..." I stuttered inaudibly.
She leapt up from the bed, covering her chest with her shirt. The man she was with was shouting her name, dressing himself embarrassedly, and he too was American. How long had this been going on?
I couldn't believe what I was witnessing. I couldn't believe she would do this to Dan. I felt the pain for him.
He loved her.
This was going to break his heart.

"Phil, please, please don't tell Dan. Let me tell him. Phil, please!"  She implored desperately.
I stepped away from her, shaking my head disbelievingly as she continued to plead.
"Next time, lock the door." I said, before walking out.

The door shut behind me forcefully just as I had opened it. Now I really did need to find Dan. She wasn't getting away with anything. I was going to tell Dan myself.
The only question on my mind was, would Dan believe me when I did?