Dance Little Liar

42. Only Ones Who Know

Jenna's  POV

Alex leaned over the table, smirking at me cheekily. I just sat there staring at him, waiting for him to say something.

"I got back together with Alexa when we released our second record.. Favourite Worst Nightmare.. maybe you know it? It doesn't matter, anyway I don't even know why I gave her a second chance after what she did to me. I s'pose I needed someone to escape from my problems" -He glances at me before he continued- "Well, the short form of the story is, that she cheated on me... And it's easy to move on for me because my feelings for her weren't as strong as I thought... I dunno.. she was just an escape like I said before"

He shrugged and looked at his hands, playing with a particularly recognisable ring on his pinky finger.

"I'm sorry..."

"Why would you be sorry? I'm fine"

"Because I pushed you to tell me that... it's obvious that you didn't want to"

"C'mon! Don't be silly love, I'd tell you everything, I'll never lie to you again Jenna... that was my biggest mistake"

He grabbed my hand which rested on the table and squeezed it slightly.
I couldn't take it and pulled my hand away, Alex looked at me sadly.

"I'm sorry Jenna"
He quickly said, removing his own hand from the table.

This whole situation is not okay... it's definitely not! I'm such a bitch, I'm the worst of all! Alex still thinks that it's all his fault, I never had the guts to tell him that I'm the one who messed up our relationship, it was me! I need to tell him the truth now! It hurts so much to see him like that, full of regret...

"Alex, I need to tell you something... please just listen"

I looked at him, he nodded, a curious expression on his face.

I started to explain the whole thing to him, I began with the messages I've received when we were in London all those years ago, I told him about Olivia's intentions and how she blackmailed me. I told him that Dan Smith kissed me without my consent and that she had photos of our kiss, threatening to publish them, sending them to everyone from our school. I told him that I'm still blaming myself for the kiss even though I didn't want it. I told him, that I did everything that Olivia told me 'cause I didn't want to hurt him, because I knew about his past relationships and how they ended and that I didn't want to be the next girl who supposedly betrayed him. I told him that I needed to break up with him because of those pics and that Olivia didn't delete them afterwards, so I was forced to stay away from him. The words just flew out of my mouth, I told him that I haven't stopped loving him once, that I'm in fact still not over him. Tears streamed down my face and I began to sob uncontrollably.
I covered my face with my hands, trying to calm down and pull myself together. I'm sure there are already people staring at us.
Alex said nothing, I didn't look at him, I was too afraid.

After a while I felt a hand on my shoulder, I removed my hands from my face, just to see that it was Alex, he gave me a weak smile.

"C'mon, let's leave.."
He held out his hand and I grabbed it. We walked out of the tiny shop, hand in hand. He leads me to his car, opening the passenger door for me so that I could slip in.
He's such a gentleman, although I'm a major bitch... I don't deserve that...

The driver's door swung open and Alex got inside the car.

"I'm . so .sorry .Alex... it's .relatable .if you .hate me now.."
I managed to say between sobs.

"I'll drive you to your apartment"
He simply replied without looking at me.

Neither of us spoke during the journey, Alex eyes were fixed on the road, I looked out of the window. The sound of an unpopular pop song on the radio filled the silence between us.
After a while, we arrived at the uni campus. Alex didn't look at me, so I figured that he wanted me out of his car. I glanced at him for the last time and opened the door, ready to get out of his car.
But a grip on my arm let me fell back inside, I struggled to sit down properly.

"Close the door, please"
He commanded. I closed it.

"Why didn't you tell me that earlier? We could have found a solution Jenna, we didn't have to break up like that.."

His voice broke at the end, I swear he had tears in his eyes, but I'm not entirely sure, my own view was still blurry.

"I don't know... it seemed to be the only right way to me that time... I'm so sorry Alex, I'd do everything differently if I could, I'm full of regret!"
I felt tears forming in my eyes again.

"You can't repeat the past"
He replied bluntly.

"I know..."

"Jenna?"

"Yeah?"
I looked at him.

"I don't hate you, I never could"

He reached out to wipe the tears on my cheeks away, I froze.

"You really don't hate me?"

"Of course not, well I'm shocked, to be honest, and pretty angry as well, but not at you... I'm angry at Olivia, that fookin'  bitch... and Smith that wanker"
He inhaled sharply, closing his eyes.

I grabbed his hand which is resting on his knee. He opened his eyes and turned his head towards me.

"I love you Al"