Adoration (H.S)

𝘾𝙝𝙖𝙥𝙩𝙚𝙧 𝙊𝙣𝙚

"And all my walls,

Stood tall painted blue,

But I'll take 'em down, take 'em down,

And open up the door for you"

- Everything Has Changed by Taylor Swift and Ed Sheeran

LILA

         The sun shone brightly through the bedroom curtains making shadows on the wall across the room. As I watched the light slowly rise over the bottoms of my legs, feeling the warmth, I almost felt a sense of peace. I sighed in content, looking up at the ceiling. The birds were singing their high pitched song, a sweet melody gliding in the air through the bedroom window. 

Today felt like it was going to be a special day, I was finally 21, but the memories of having to endure the past 15 years of birthdays without my parents and sister loomed in the back of my mind, time seemed to have gone by so quickly. 

My 21st birthday landed on a Monday. To a normal person, Mondays might be the dreaded day that they have to wake up and get ready to go to their job which doesn't satisfy them anymore or when a student cries about having to go back to a school they hate because they're bullied for just being themselves. Why is that even a thing? Why can't everyone accept each person as they are? Everyone is so unique and that's what is special, it really angers me. 

My mom and Aunt have always taught me that Mondays are a new day in a new week with opportunities waiting to be grasped. Having therapy for eight years has also tried to instil in me that being positive can change your mindset drastically. There are still days though, where positiveness just seems so far out of reach that you have to succumb to the numbness and pain that is wanting to be felt, you can't win on those days, still, you can try, I guess. 

I got up and went straight to have a shower. After about twenty minutes or so, it was time to choose an outfit for the day. Since I was a young girl, this has always been my favourite thing to do. It's known that just taking time to make yourself feel good, whether it be with fashion or makeup, can boost a person's confidence rapidly, and that is always a good thing despite what some people may say. Picking out some ripped jeans, black vans and a black cami top with an oversized cardigan, I put on some light makeup and went downstairs.

"Good morning Aunty Clara, how are you doing?", I kissed her cheek as I made my way into the kitchen, seeing her reading today's newspaper whilst eating some breakfast.

"Happy birthday my sweetheart! Finally 21, it doesn't seem like 2 minutes when you were still a toddler running around", Aunty Clara looked at me smiling, shaking her head in awe. "I'm feeling okay, I have work in about 20 minutes, so I need to be going soon but what are you going to be doing for your special day?".

I popped the kettle on and made myself some cereal before turning to her, smiling. 

"I slept pretty well last night so I'm feeling okay too, I have some college work to do first but apart from that it's just another day to grasp some opportunities, right?".

She smiled at me softly. "Okay then lovely, don't go too crazy, will you?", she laughed, winking at me. I waved her off, chuckling. "I will be back at around four, so if you can make your mind up about what you want for dinner tonight? Or maybe, we could go out for your birthday if you like and I can give you your presents? Whatever you want. I love you". She kissed my head and made her way out the door.

"I love you too! Can't wait!", I shouted back to her.

My aunt is my mom's sister. When the accident happened, she knew that there was no way I was going into the fostering system, so she took it upon herself to look after me, which I will forever be grateful for. She also has a daughter of her own named Beth. She's 16, so now is the time when she always comes to me and asks for advice about school, boys, makeup; it makes me feel good knowing that I can help her the same way that I would've liked to help my sister.

I sat down with my cup of tea, sipping it slowly since it was still hot, whilst checking my notifications on my phone. 

(30 new iMessages)

(56 Twitter notifications)

(251 Instagram notifications)

(23 Instagram direct messages)

I study Fashion Design at University but I also got signed as a model a few months ago so my social media platforms were constantly alert. It was different at first and quite scary, but I soon got used to it and opening the app too a lot of notifications has just become second nature to me. I took it upon myself to try and get a good-paying job, so I could eventually move out and get my own apartment, so having a background and influence of fashion seemed to really help on a CV nowadays. 

Beth came rushing into the kitchen, her school bag in one hand, grabbing a granola bar in the other as she cheekily winked at me.

"HEY, maybe you should get up earlier so you can actually make a proper breakfast idiot", I giggled at her as she ran off.

"Sorry Lila, gotta go, love you, see you later, oh and happy birthday!", the door slammed shut behind her as I laughed to myself, she was a crazy girl and her personality definitely shined through everything she did and said. 

I opened up Instagram and saw birthday wishes coming through from everyone I seemed to know and some strangers, of course, it was only normal. That was the biggest difference at first, I had people commenting saying how beautiful I was or how much they were a "fan" of me, a fan? I didn't class myself as famous, definitely not. I always tried to reply back to all the kind comments but of course, there was always some hate. Their made-up stereotype of you in their heads, that you're "big-headed" or "mean" or just a plain bitch, but of course I knew that was far from the truth, so I've had to learn to ignore it, otherwise it would consume you. 

I had just over 200,000 followers, it was impressive for only a few months modelling and my manager was thoroughly shocked when she found out but I didn't take much notice. I replied to some comments on my recent pictures and started scrolling through my direct messages, but one message suddenly made my heart drop. I breathed in, my eyes widened in shock. It couldn't be...could it?

"@harrystyles sent you a direct message"

My mouth went dry and I couldn't comprehend at that moment what had actually happened. I didn't even realise he was following me. Was he following me? I know that I followed him but with our non-existent contact, I didn't even realise. I opened the message fully, a few tears started to softly roll down my face as I read: 

"Lila, Happy 21st birthday. I know this is unexpected and I don't know whether you even want to hear from me, but I just had to text you. I hope you have the most amazing day. Despite what you may think after all these years, I haven't forgotten about you, I could never. I hope we can talk soon. All my love. H."

My hands shook as I re-read the message, twice, and then three times and then four times, thinking that it would just disappear but no, it was there in black and white. He hadn't forgotten about me even though he had been in his successful band and now he was embarking on going solo for the first time in his career too, he hadn't forgotten his old best friend. All my emotions had left my body and I was completely numb at this moment. I tried to compose myself, trying to figure out what to type back. Do I give him the benefit of the doubt? Do I not reply at all? I didn't even let my head register what I was saying to him before I pressed send.

"Harry, oh wow. I really didn't expect this today at all, this is crazy. I've missed you too, a lot. Let's talk, I think it would be good for both of us. Thank you, by the way, it means everything to me that you remembered."

I guess this is where it all begins now. 

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Hey, my loves!!

Hope you enjoyed this chapter :) 

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 All the love, always.