Adoration (H.S)

𝘾𝙝𝙖𝙥𝙩𝙚𝙧 𝙏𝙬𝙤

"I've never been this scared before,

Feelings I just can't ignore,

Don't know if I should fight or fly,

But I don't mind."

- safety net by Ariana Grande & Ty Dolla $ign

LILA

        After receiving the message from Harry, I didn't know what to do with myself. My head was a mess again, jumbled thoughts took over and I couldn't begin to understand why he was only reaching out now after seven years. 

Has something happened? 

Why couldn't he have done this years ago? 

I could feel my anxiety creeping in, as overwhelming thoughts raided my mind. A small part of me was angry that he thought he could just message me and act like everything was fine, but my heart ached at the thought of losing contact with him again even after our small interaction. I did miss him. Why is my heart like this? I need to think with my head, he can easily just have a conversation with me today and then just leave me again, could I get through that? After everything? I just know this is going to be a difficult decision that I have to make for my best intentions. I'm aware from seeing social media that he's starting to write solo material after One Direction went on their hiatus, maybe this is his way of saying that he's on a break but wants to reconnect? 

Whatever the reason was though, the best part was that he hadn't forgotten about me. He knows hundreds of celebrities and has met thousands of fans but he hasn't forgotten his old best friend Lila Rhodes from Holmes Chapel. It all seemed too surreal and on a day like today too, my family were really looking down on me. I knew something amazing was going to happen today, hopefully, God has brought Harry back into my life, for good this time. I just hope I'm not going to regret this. 

HARRY

              I was exhausted. I felt like my body had given up from touring, from going out, from this lifestyle. It never stops. I can't complain and I shouldn't, I love my job too pieces but sometimes I wish things would slow down or just stop. However, there is no stopping in a job like this unless you want everything to stop. It's so frustrating and hard to explain but it's nights like these, sat drinking in a bar surrounded by people who just want to talk to you for the title that you hold in the industry, that lying in bed with the thoughts of Holmes Chapel, and my old friends, all the memories, and my family that bring me back down to earth and keep me going through everything that gets thrown at me. 

One Direction had been touring for 5 years now on and off, only having small breaks between each album but not enough time to go home, relax and catch up with the ones close to you. That wasn't even a possibility in the eyes of our management. I was so tired, mentally and physically, not of the boys or the fans, but tired of not being able to go home, being somewhat of a normal person for a while who didn't leave his house unless he really needed too. There's only so much travelling a person can take before all they want to do is go home, re-energise and get back to how they used to feel, before living out of a suitcase becomes all they know for the rest of their life. 

This is why I'm so glad the hiatus has come when it has. I don't think myself and the boys realise how different our lives are going to be because of this now, we will actually have time to do things, see places, see our friends and families. I feel like a robot sometimes that just complies with everything on autopilot, I feel numb and I don't know why. Maybe it's because, in the last 5 years, we haven't eaten proper meals for months on end or maybe that just everything in the lifestyle that I had, has just become too much and is taking a toll on my health. The fans deserve so much more than what we give them, their support never goes unnoticed. Myself and the boys have continued this for so long, with smiles on our faces and heavy hearts with the unknown feeling of not knowing when we can just return to our 'reality' we knew before all of this took over.