Adoration (H.S)

𝘾𝙝𝙖𝙥𝙩𝙚𝙧 𝙁𝙞𝙫𝙚

"If you tossin' and you're turnin' and you just can't fall asleep,

I'll sing a song, beside you,

And if you ever forget how much you really mean to me,

Every day I will remind you."

- Count on Me by Bruno Mars

HARRY

          I was finally on my flight, travelling back to Holmes Chapel to see Lila. Jeff agreed in the end that I could come home for two weeks as I had got most of my songwriting completed and it was only the recording process to go, which wouldn't take too long hopefully. I had space for a few more songs on the album but I told him that I would work hard and not slack, I know he was only looking out for me and Jeff isn't that strict when it comes to my work, he knows that I won't mess around. Not anymore. The flight was going to take about 8 hours, so it should be about 3 in the morning when I get back home. I'm going to go to my hotel and settle in before going to see her a bit later on as I haven't even mentioned to my Mum that I am visiting yet, it's going to be a surprise for everyone. I just hope that Lila is excited to see me, I can't wait to see her face.

After all these years, I wonder if she's got taller? What is her hair like now? What has her life been like after living with her Aunt? All of these thoughts run through my mind and have been since our first conversation. I don't know what to expect when I arrive at her front door, I just hope she lets me in.

LILA

          It had just gone 7 am, I got out of bed and went to take a shower. Waiting a few weeks to see Harry is going to drag, I can feel it already. I'm actually quite happy that he's coming home, all the anger seemed to disappear after I spoke to him on the phone yesterday, I just knew overall that I had missed him and I will take literally anything for him to be in my life again, it just never seemed to make sense without him in it.

Thinking about telling him what has happened to me is going to be the worst conversation that I've ever had with him since I've known him. I feel like he's going to get so angry, not at me, but just at the situation. I'm glad I can prepare myself though, I definitely need to stop stressing myself out about everything or I'm going to make myself ill again. I never want to relive or think about what happened but knowing that I'm going to have to explain it all to Harry, is making me either want to cry or throw up. I just know it's going to be awful at the moment.

Without even realising, 30 minutes had passed, and I was just standing in the shower with the water falling over my head. I quickly got out and wrapped myself in a towel. Walking to my bedroom, I glanced at a picture sitting on my dresser. Me, my sister and my parents. It sometimes feels like they're still with me somedays, it's a scary thought but quite comforting at the same time. I've never been one to believe in ghosts until their passing, now I do hope they are around me and observing who I'm becoming every day, even in my darkest days, they would always guide me through.

I went downstairs after getting dressed and started making breakfast. Aunt Clara must have left early for work since she was nowhere to be seen and I knew that Beth was getting ready for school. I spent most of my days sitting in the house doing University work until the odd modelling job comes up for me to do. Since I was only a beginner, I had to wait quite a while before jobs started to roll in, so I have to enjoy my own company most of the time which I don't dislike but I think people have this idea that all models live a crazy, busy lifestyle surrounded by famous celebrities every day when some models literally spend 22 hours out of 24 on their own, minding their own business waiting for their next job to be passed on to them or for projects to come forward for them to work on, so it can be pretty lonely if you're already not used to being alone. I think that's why I don't mind it, it's just what I'm used to anyway.