censored thoughts

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to care is to love

when love leads

to doubt

can you make your mind shut it out??

hope is for the best of wishes

but what comes of when you have no hope to hope with

when it comes down to this how can one react

depression

it lives breaths and eats at your soul

it screams LET ME OUT!!!

then your tears start to flow and all you can hear is

"does he really??" "please dont let it be false"

why oh why must my belly sink with these horrid thoughts and dreams

he adds the pretty the skinny and the lovely

"what of me??" does that little voice squeak

"im not pretty or skinny nor am i even close to the lovely girls he adds"

"am i a toy to play with then disregard??"

thats when the chills start

slowly from the back of your neck down to the tips of your fingers down your spin

you quake and quiver

her heart it breaks with each little murmur of his silken voice

"i love you" "i wont hurt you" "i dont play games like those other fools"

deep inside she wants to believe but yet something disagrees

theres that voice again the one that squeaks

"you know its a lie save your self before you die" then the chills start up again as she screams inside her head

"LEAVE ME ALONE!!!" "I KNOW HES TRUE!!!" "HE WONT HURT ME LIKE HE HURT YOU!!" but some how she knows deep deep down she hears the whisper "but i am you you are me we feel this pain when we know its a sin"

there they go again those chills with this fear she whispers her voice full of un shed tears

"but he loves me he said so himself....at least i think he loves me"

why isnt there a book to tell each sing of what the difference is between like ,love, and play

if there were i wounder what it would say

would it make it easyer

or harder to love

is love even real

or is it a bust

these she can not tell a single soul

for if she did her life would unfold

the hurt the pain the pushing away

she can not trust it is forbidden

shes hurt and crying there forsaken

her thoughts remain censored and forsaken even to the ones she loves

the battle she wages still remains till someone takes her doubt away

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