Here We Go Again.

Emotions

  We get to the secluded train station area. We used to hang out here all the time randomly.
  "Sam hasn't been here before I forgot!" I said. "We used to hang out here all the time. Being dumb ass kids" I said. We see Caleb, Kyle, Andrew, Tyler and more people sitting.
  "What is this a movie?" He laughs.
  "Haha" I roll my eyes.
  "Wassup bitches!" Austin says.
  "Hey" they all say. We sit down with them.
  "Why are you guys here right now?" I asked. Kyle passes us some drinks.
  "We were bored so we decided to come here" Tyler responds. "Where were you guys?"
  "On a hike" I respond.
  "Ew why?" Caleb asks.
"Because it was nice" we roll our eyes.
"Anyways. Sam this is our place where we come to hang when we don't want to go to social events" Kyle says.
"Exactly" I nod. "Or when we want to be a movie and lay in the middle of train tracks" I get up putting my drink down making my way to the train tracks.
"Do any trains pass by?" Sam asks.
"Rarely" I hop down onto it. "By rarely I mean like never so that's why I do it."
"Yeah she's the only one" Austin sighs. "Cause she's dumb."
"Because I'm not a puss" I said. I sit cross cross on the rails. "Like the last time I've seen a train here was probably like a year ago" I tell them.
"You never know what could happen" Caleb sing songs. "So you should get off."
"I think I'm good" I sing song back.

I look up into the sky thinking. I sigh. I remember once my mom took me here. It was still secluded then. She told me it was a great place to think. She also took me to a place her and my dad went. It was an abandon high school. I sigh. What a way to make things depressing. What would she think of me now? I felt tears prick my eyes, but I blink them away. Fucking why.

I see lights and hear loud honks. Fuck. Is this just my mind playing tricks of the accident.
"JO!!!!!" Said a while bunch of voices. I turn and then I see a bright light getting closer my eyes widen. Then I'm being pulled away and out of the way as the train rolls by fast.
"Jo!!" Sam turns me to face him. "What the fuck? Are you okay?" He cups my cheeks. I stay silent. "Jo!?" He asks. "Are you okay?" He stares at me. I blink back tears. "Jo just talk to me.."
"I'm fine. I'm gonna go" I say pushing past him walking away. My hands were shaking. Calm down Jo. It felt like I was having a panic attack.
"Jo! You can't walk" Sam catches up to me.
"I need to. I can't be in a car right now. I'll be fine. I just. I want to be alone" I sigh.
"You aren't walking out here alone" he tells me.
"Please Sam" my voice cracks and I hated it. I needed to cry. And I did not want to do it in front of him. I wanted to be home. Alone in my room.
"I'm not leaving you alone Jo. Especially after what just happened" he says.
"I wasn't trying to kill Myself" I mutter.
"What was that then!?" He asks as we walk.
"I don't know what happened" I mutter.
"You were sitting on a fucking train track. You completely jinxed yourself as well. I don't know what you were trying to do if you heard all that and sat there!" he says.
"I blacked out Sam" I reply. "I wasn't thinking. I was thinking of other things. The noises freaked me out and I was shocked and couldn't move because I thought it was all in my head because I was thinking of things" I admit. "Now can I just be alone?"
"No" he scoffs. "What were you thinking of?"
"Do you need to know everything?" I mutter.
"Yeah kinda after all that" he nods.
"I was thinking about my mom" I look at my feet as I walk.
"Oh" he says. "And the sounds reminded you of the accident and you thought it was your head tricking you?"
"Yeah" I nod. "I really want to be alone Sam" I say my voice almost a whisper.
  "I'm not leaving you alone. I won't talk anymore but I'm not leaving you alone" he tells me.

So we walked in silence all the way back to my house.
  "Thanks" I mutter heading inside the house. I quickly head up to my room and lock the door. I close my eyes and sit on my bed. I felt the panic in my chest. And tightening. I take deep breaths and I feel the tears start to pour out my eyes closed as it happens.
  "Calm down Jo" I breathe out. I wipe away the tears but they continuously fall out. I was having a good night. Why now. Why did you have to bring it all back. Like usual. Stop. I fall onto my back staring at the blank ceiling letting the tears fall down.
  "Fuck my life" I groan out the tears never ending.

  "Jo? Is that you? You home?" My dad knocks on my door. I wipe the tears sitting up and staring at the door. I sniffle quietly.
  "Yeah" I try my best to hide my shaky voice.
  "You alright?" He asks.
  "Yeah I'm good. I just came home a little earlier cause I needed to do some homework" I lie.
  "Open the door please" he says. I shake my head more tears falling.
  "Why?" I asked.
  "Come on Jo, I know you more than anyone. Open the door" he tells me. I stand up, unlock and open the door. "Jo" he says and I hug him crying more. "Hey what's wrong?"
  "Everything" I cry. "Mom.."
  "Yeah, I know" he combs my hair. "What happened?" He asks. He brings me to the bed and we sit.
  "I was just with some friends at the old train station. And I just remembered when mom took me there. And more. I kinda blacked out" I say. I didn't want to bring up the train incident. He would be devastated. "And I came home, and I was sad."
  "You know it's okay to be sad Jo, you don't have to hide it" he says. "You know you can talk to me whenever" he tells me.
  "I know" I cry. "I just don't like it" I shake my head wiping the tears. "I miss her" I said.
  "I know, I do to" he hugs me again. I hate having to talk about this to him. I know it hurts for him.
  "I'm sorry" I say.
  "For what?" He asks.
  "You having to deal with all this" I groan pulling away.
  "Jo don't say sorry for that" he says. "You're my daughter, I love having to deal with this" he says. "Don't say sorry for that ok, I love you" he tells me.
  "I love you too" I reply wiping my puffy eyes.
  "Maybe you should eat some sleep" he says.
  "Probably best for me. Thanks" I say hugging him again.
  "Stop saying thanks and sorry Jo, it's annoying" he gets up I laugh through my tears.
  "Night" I say.
  "Night" he leaves. I get up going to my closet and grabbing some shorts and a loose top. I put that on close the lights and get into bed. Even if I can't sleep, I just want to sit here doing nothing.

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A/N

Not my longest chapter guys. But wow! Right!? Sorry for the dramatic shit. But I hope you enjoyed this chapter guys. Tell me your thoughts. You know the drill with what I say. So yeah. Enjoy. Xoxo.

-Jana🤙🏽