Chanel's Fics

Say Something (I'm Giving Up On You) - XingLu

SAY SOMETHING (I'M GIVING UP ON YOU)

Summary: lu han meets yixing on the subway home.

//

it’s been a shit day, lu han thinks. it’s undoubtedly tough being a university student overseas, having to juggle the immense workload while having to devote time to his job just so he can pay the bills. sure, he’s got a scholarship to seoul university, but it seems like the school’s charity only extends as far as education with little to no thought given to his lodging. hence, he’s been forced into renting a small apartment near campus. it’s got ugly blank white walls with the paint practically peeling off them and there’s always the sound of water dripping from leaky pipes somewhere but still, it’s been home for the past two years and he can’t really complain. he’s got a roof over his head, and that’s enough.

still, it just seems like life is one never-ending to-do list, gaping from one end to the other. after the housing bills are paid, lu han’s still got to worry about utility fees, TEXTBOOK fees, grocery bills…. the list goes on and on, an endless ocean of stress and worry. oh, wait, epiphany - it’s not just a shitty monday, it’s a shit life to boot.

looking around the carriage for an empty seat as he shifts the weight of his heavy backpack on his shoulders, lu han sighs. he’s only nineteen, yet he feels like he could very well be ninety, especially with the load of responsibilities he’s taken on. he remains standing throughout the trip, wedged in a load of commuters all pushing and jostling for space, feeling ironically alone even in a crowd of people.

the train approaches his stop and lu han prepares to get off, heaving a sigh (of semi-relief this time) because finally, he’s going home to a nice hot shower and microwaved dinner and studying. it may not sound all that appealing, but honestly anywhere he can sit down and rest his tired feet would be an improvement over the agony he’s facing now. maybe he’ll even get four hours of sleep tonight if he’s lucky.

the bell chimes and the overhead announcement goes off, the doors open and lu han steps out. he looks back at the passengers in the car, a movement so unconscious he doesn’t even think twice about doing it. after all it’s just another tiny action in the collection of movements that his life consists of, just a minute turning of his head to the right, almost as natural as breathing and scratching itches and putting one foot in front of the other. that’s when lu han sees him - a teenaged boy with an obvious dimple in his cheek waving and smiling in his general direction, and lu han realises that the boy’s chinese just by the look of him, something distinctly not korean and so familiar it can only be a sense of china, a sense of home.

it’s a long, lonely walk home from the train station, and lu han can’t help but wish that he were back home, back in beijing and with the people he loves and not here in a foreign country falling over his feet trying to keep himself afloat instead of sinking to the bottom of chaotic waves and stormy seas.

✧

the next day lu han sees dimple boy (as he’s nicknamed him in his mind), it isn’t so bad. his day has been reasonably okay - no pissy store managers unleashing their wrath on him, no professors picking on him to answer obscure questions during class, no soul-sucking assignments to be turned in the next day. by now, after two years and about three months of juggling school in the day and work at night, the soreness in his feet and fatigue in his arms have become something he’s accustomed to, something that he assumes has always been there because somehow lu han can’t for the life of him remember a time when he didn’t feel this tired. still, the day hasn’t been crap and he supposes that’s something to be grateful for, a minuscule spark of brightness flickering wearily against an eternally dark backdrop.