Before My Eyes

Breakfast

I step through chapel doors and immediately spot the gang, sitting around a table together. Riz's hair is pulled up in a towel and they're all in their pyjamas.

My hair's dripping from the long wait at the bus stop and because breakfast stops being served past 11, I didn't have time to go to my dorm and change.

My shorts are hanging lower than last night and I'm shivering in my damp vest and jumper. I take a full English breakfast from the counter and make my way towards the tables, ever more heads turning to watch me.

Riz turns around and starts giggling. Before I'm even metres away from them, she shouts 'That outfit looks familiar, Mali.' They all start laughing and I join them.

'Piss off,' I say as I put my tray down on the table. The breakfast tastes so good - I haven't eaten since before the party last night. As I fork a chunk of sausage and put it in my mouth, Liam starts talking to me.

'Another sausage, Mali? Bit greedy, didn't you have enough last night?' I continue chewing, my elbow propped up on the table and give him the finger. Through their laughs, I hear a chair scoot and look up to see Raff's back, walking towards the grand doors. He hadn't said anything the whole meal.

'Jesus, Mali, can you stop KICKing me under the table!' Riz looks proud of her joke, as everyone's shrieking with laughter, especially Liam.

'You guys are really funny this morning' I get up to leave and tell them, 'I'm going back to dorms for a bit to get some sleep, really tired'. With that they all shout 'I bet you are!' and I turn back only to roll my eyes.

I continue in the direction of the girls' quarters and begin to cross the grass court, where the large stone building is now in my vision. The rain's falling harder now and I'm in desperate need of a shower.

'You fucked him then?' A loud voice behind me shouts. I spin around to find Raff, leaning against the wall, an almost burnt cigarette in between his fingers and a harsh expression on his face.

'What?'

'I said: did you fuck him?' He's louder, clearer through the now torrential rain.

'Well it's not like I haven't done it before,' I laugh, in a desperate attempt to break the tension.

He gets off the wall and paces slowly in the opposite direction. Although the rain's hard and his voice is barely audible, I still manage to make out the word 'slut' forming from his lips.

'What did you just say?' I'm shouting now, equally as loud and hurt as his tone before.

'I said you're a fucking slut,' his mutter changing into a breathless yell and he turns back around. 'And you love it. You love that everyone wants you and you love that it annoys me.'

His last words were softer, slower and his voice cracked.

'I know how many people think that about me, and maybe you're one of them, Raff. But I never thought you'd say out loud.'

We both stand there, metres apart, inspecting each other. I finally end the painful gaze we shared by swinging back around to the girls' quarters.

The only sounds I hear are his harsh spit hitting the paving and the drops of rain, now lighter, pattering down.