Before My Eyes

Ward 8

Finally, having found my keys in my backpack after a desperate search, I open the door to my dorm room. Everything's as I left it on my side of the room - the floor swamped in dirty clothes, my school books and stationary scattering the desk. However, Alex's side is pristine, making mine look like even more of a mess.

I dump my stuff on the unmade bed. There's the sound of the door opening and Alex comes in, lugging a plastic bag full of books from the library. She doesn't notice me until I clear my throat in attempt to get her attention.

"Mali!" she squeezes me tight and I realise that I actually missed her when I was away. "How was Suffolk?"

"It was alright. Pretty weird actually..." I chuckle and throw myself onto her bed. She places herself down next to me, carefully making sure she doesn't crease her bedding.

"You've missed quite a lot." Her eyes sadden slightly and she twiddles one of her crystal stud earrings.
"What happened? Do you mean with you?"
"Yeah, um... Jed broke up with me. He said it wasn't really working."
I rack my brains, trying to remember his face. "Oh I'm so sorry, Ali. Maybe it's for the best though."

She shrugs, sighs heavily and slouches her back more, looking pretty deflated. I slide my arm over her shoulders and pull her in to me. "Don't worry, Al, I'll find you someone ten times better than him, I promise." A smile creeps onto her face and she leans back into me.

"Oh god, I need to go. I'll be back in half an hour. I've got a meeting with the school council." I glance up at the clock. 13:00. That means I've got all day to start some late homework.

I peel some English and Maths books apart from each other and sit at my desk chair, plugging my earphones in. My pencil case consists of a lone pencil sharpener and almost empty ink pen, so I wheel myself over to Alex's desk and carefully pick stuff out of her pencil case.

After doing about an hour and a half of work, without Alex back yet and feeling pretty happy with myself, my phone starts ringing. I check the screen. Mum.

"Hello?"
"Mali? Hello dollie."
It feels weird hearing her voice again. I realise I haven't talked to her all term.
"How has your term been so far? Have you got all your homework in?"
"Uh huh." I go back to my book and stop listening to her croaky voice. She continues rambling on, pretending to seem like she's giving me advice. The same shit about friends, teachers, work.

"Mum why did you call?" I interrupt her and she falls silent for a bit. "Mum?"
I hear her breathe out shakily.
"Mali.. it's bad news. I'm sorry, baby." Her voice begins to tremble. "I'm sorry."
"Mum, what is it?" I've wheeled away from my work and I'm pressing the phone closer to my ear. My heart beats faster now, uncontrollably.

The only sound I hear is her slow breathing. In and then out.
"What is it?" I try desperately to stay calm, although my heartbeat is almost uncontrollable and I've started to shake.

"Honey, I'm back in hospital. I've had a relapse. It's come back."

My eyes close and I melt down into my bed. I take the phone from my ear and let it go from my sweaty grip onto the bed. The line's still connected and her weak voice faintly bleats out at me.

"Mali? Mali. Are you still there? Mali?"

***

Alex hugs me into her. She came in a few minutes ago and is still apologising constantly for coming back so late and letting me be by myself. She's the only person, apart from Mrs Ratchfield who knows about my mum.

She helped me the whole second half of summer, when my mum was diagnosed. I made her promise not to tell anyone and she didn't. That's the thing with her. Unlike Rizo, I know I can trust her.