Eyes on You // Awsten Knight

fourteen

Spencer had a hold on me. For years, he had built both a mental and physical barrier around me to not only protect me, but keep anything else out. He was my everything, literally. I lived in his house, wore the outfits he picked, played music how he wanted and fucked when he wanted to. I just thought that this was how relationships worked. I had assumed that everyone was the same as me.

Then there was Awsten.

Despite how caring and nurturing Spencer seemed to be, it started to feel unwanted on both sides. Awsten, on the other hand, was so sweet. Nicer than anyone I've been around in a long time. He was carefree, unlike myself. I cared too much. He was funny and contagiously happy, and it made me feel warm and full inside. I didn't want to lose him, but it was hard when you had to hide everything you were doing.

Our time together was kept tightly under wraps. Nobody suspected a thing. Well, except for Otto and Geoff. They had their suspicions, but we would never tell them. Awsten and I would keep our distance when in the public eye. But the minute we could both spare some time alone together, I was being pinned against the wall in his tourbus, creating noises that should have been heard for miles. It was the best time of my life. We brought back our nightly hang outs, which was when we could act like a normal people. That was also new for me. It had been so long since I've walked down the street with someone, hand in hand as I rested my head on their shoulder and felt completely infatuated. Awsten made me feel so special. He didn't really care what I looked like, as long as I appeared happy. When he saw that I was having a bad day, he would never force me to talk about it. He'd just try and brighten me up again. We started attending each other's Warped Tour sets more often. I would always stand side stage for his, but he would be in the crowd for mine, which was understandable. Spencer still hated him. But nonetheless, I'd search him out in the crowd, letting him know that I was focusing on him. In return, he'd do the same for me. Flashing me a smile from the stage or sending a song line my way.

It was coming close to the middle of Warped Tour. Geoff, Otto, Jawn, Awsten and I were sitting in the boy's bus as the sound of loud rock music played in the venue off in the distance. The air conditioning was broken, and it had become too hot to function. I supposed it was better than the ninety five degree weather outside. At least we had water and one mediocre fan blowing air around the bus.

"Fuck me, this sucks." Geoff groaned, his face covered with a wet towel.  I sighed, melting into the couch.

"Do you ever just want to die so badly, your chest hurts?" I commented allowed, only to be met with a murmuring chorus of agreement. Awsten was lying facedown on the floor, the fan fluttering through his hair.

"Arizona can suck my ass." He muttered into the carpet.

My head started to feel a bit numb, and I recognized the feeling immediately. For a split second, I was confused. This didn't make any sense, I hadn't gone into a seizure in almost two years. My leg was starting to twitch, and I knew I didn't have long. I shot up from the couch in a panic, causing my friends to look up at me in surprise.

"Kathy? What's wrong?" Jawn asked, straightening up a bit.

"Count the time." Was all I managed to say before my entire body started convulsing. I heard Geoff cry out in shock.

"Shit! What the fuck?"

I almost fell forward, but Otto was the first one to catch me. My head collided with his shoulder as he kept me upright.

"Someone keep an eye on the clock! We have five minutes." He ordered, sounding like some sort of doctor.

"Five minutes? What the fuck does that mean?" Awsten was hovering over me, but he kept his distance. Otto lay me down on the couch, his hand resting under my head.