"Did you ever watch your life slide out of your hands? Maybe I'm a human? Trying to click undo, man. Or maybe I'm automaton. Oh, how'd it all go so wrong? Regret! Regret!"
regret- everything everything
≪ shawn mendes
shawn thought about alice a lot, what would it feel like for her to be in his arms? what would it feel like waking up next to her? shawn hugged a pillow thinking about these things. a year slippped, he wasn't sure why he was crying, but then he thought about it, was he moving on too fast? surely not because lily moved on from him already, so why couldn't he do the same? why couldn't he reach for his phone right now and tell alice he wants her? the part of him that loves lily dearly still pulling him down, part of his heartached. he continued to reminisce about the memories he and lily had, when they'd first met it was because lily was portraying the female in one of his music videos, he had such a connection with her that every shot of the video was perfect. they'd instantly hit it off, going on various dates and shawn made it public within the first few weeks, telling everybody how he was lucky that he has her by his side. everything from dates to their fights flashed in shawn's mind. you don't know what you have until you've lost it. shawn realized that more tears were coming down, he couldn't believe it, he was truly happy for lily but there was no explanation as to why he's being like this right now. he decided to check the time with it being only eleven at night, he wanted to go out, forget today. he hailed a cab to a club that was low profile a couple of blocks away from his condo.
when shawn arrived to the club no one noticed him, there were exotic dancers there but none came his way, yet. he ordered a round of shots for himself and some bourbon, shawn felt the alcohol burn down his throat, he thought about how his liver could be dying because of all this alcohol he's been drinking but he didn't care, he could just pay for a new one. a blonde stripper came his way sitting down next to him, she didn't say anything but she did pull her bra off, showing shawn her assets, and well shawn, shawn was drunk out of his mind.
"wanna get out of here?" shawn was filled with lust and the dancer just nodded.
they went back to the nearest hotel, shawn didn't want her in his condo thinking of all the disease she withholds. shawn also made sure he had a condom with him, he didn't want this to be a drunken mistake. he and the blonde girl started getting sexual, he didn't ask for her name but he knew the name he moaned was not hers but alice's. the girl looked at him with disbelief and left him to fix the problem he had. shawn went home seeing no sense to why he'd stay at the hotel for.
shawn woke up with a pounding headache remembering last night. he mentally slapped himself for moaning alice's name, why couldn't he get her off his mind?
