I never was in love
You know that you were never good enough
Fall asleep right next to me
You know that you were never good enough
you're not good enough- dev hynes
≪ shawn mendes
lily
i'm here x
i changed her name on my phone because it didn't feel right having her as baby after what's gunna happen later. i got ready, preparing to meet lily and breaking it off with her. i put on a casual outfit and drove to the restaurant since it was twenty minutes away and it gives me about ten minutes to collect myself and prepare what i was gunna say to her.
i got to our favorite restaurant, where we went on one of our dates after we got soaked in the rain trying to find a decent place to eat at, the food was not only amazing but it had tons of memories. i got to the main desk and i gave lily's last name, the waitress led me to the table. to my surprise lily wasn't alone, she was accompanied by a male, i wasn't aware of this. you can't break up with her infront of him. thinking of it i've never met him, who is he?
"shawn hi baby," her sweet voice taking me out of my trance.
"hi lily and uh, lily's friend," i offered my hand to the guy.
"shawn this is ben, ben this is shawn," lily introduced us to each other, i offered my hand to ben and he shook it.
"so um, lily i thought we were gunna be alone," i asked awkwardly.
her face went blank, she got pale. oh no.
"lily?" i questioned
she cleared her throat before answering me, "shawn baby, i- um," she stuttered. i just wanted her to spit whatever she was gunna say out because i had somethings to tell her as well.
"listen shawn," she begins, her voice filled with regret? "shawn, you see ben and i, well ben and i have been dating." she sped up. dating, the word haunted me. my brain couldn't process anything, it went blank.
"dating?" was all i could fathom.
"well yes you see, we, i didn't mean for this to happen, it was a random hookup that turned into something else, and shawn please don't get mad but i couldn't string you along further. you've been so faithful that i couldn't break you hear any longer, so i'm sorry to be saying this to you but i've never felt love with you shawn, at first i thought i did. but i was wrong, shawn what we had was two people caring for each other excessively but it never
turned into love, i'm sorry shawn but i'm breaking up with you," the words she said to me echoed in my mind.
"excuse me?" i felt offended as she was cheating on me, and she had done it more than once, i shouldn't be a hypocrite but this hurt like a bitch. i loved her, i really did the two years we've been dating meant so much to me, i was falling for her but i hadn't been completely invested in her as i was since she distanced herself away from me. i agree with the breaking up part but learning that she had cheated on me as well?
"lily, how long has this been happening?" i asked, i wanted to know how much of a fool i was.
"it was the night we met alice," she mumbled. that took my by surprise, the pieces of the puzzle finally fitting together, she took rather long in the bathroom, she was flustered when she came out, and she wanted to leave right away. i couldn't believe i didn't notice it, i was so invested in her until that night because i was thinking she was stressed of work so i let it be, but this, this was another level.
"listen lily, i loved you so fucking much, i have my mistakes in this relationship. the real reason i wanted to meet up with you here was because i wanted to tell you i kissed alice the night of my birthday, i kissed her and i didn't feel guilty about it, i came here to talk about it and tell you that i didn't want to string you along. we've had our fair shares as of why our relationship crumbled but i was in love with you, i really was, a part of me might still be but i don't know. goodluck on your relationship with ben, i hope everything works out." with that i left my seat and drove back to the condo.
the whole conversation hurt me but it also relieved me. i was in love with lily, i really was but i guess love wasn't strong enough to keep our relationship together. i hope her and ben find happiness, i hope their relationship is stronger than ours, if that's what she wants then i'm happy for her. but the other thing lingering my mind is alice.
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let me just leave this here.
