lie to me~ shawn mendes

nine

It already started
I tried to stop it but I already know
You are something I should do without, but I won't
I'm under the table
Just keep wishing I'll come out but I don't
You are something I should do without, but I won't
under the table~ banks

≪ amelia nichols
amsterdam at night was breathtaking, the lights illuminate, people laughing as they either hold a joint or a beer bottle. shawn and i both look at each other and smile.
"where to now mendes?" i suddenly got confident in asking him.
"everywhere." he replied.
he grabbed my hand and started running, i was getting dragged due to him being so slender man like and running like the flash.
"shawn slow down, i'm not as fast or tall as you," i chuckle.
"sorry, i just got excited," he blushes.
shawn then walked and took me inside a club? weren't we just in a club two hours ago?
"shawn why the club?" i ask.
"you can't have fun being sober! atleast get tipsy" he encouraged me and from there we ordered drinks, i didn't want to get drunk so i drank lighter kinds of alcohol. shawn on the other hand was taking shots back and forth, as soon as i noticed him laughing and clapping like a seal i took his hand and closed our tab.
"hey! i was having fun," he sounded like a child and i found it amusing, i laughed in response.

•••

we got lost in amsterdam's beauty, i look at my phone for the time and we've been out for almost three hours.
"shawn we should go back," i tell him kind of tired.
"ok but wait we have to take pictures of this amazing view," he convinced me that this little adventure of ours was gunna be a memory i'd want to remember.
shawn and i walked a bit more stopping by a river of some sort, the way the building and the lights reflect the body of water was mesmerizing, i decided to take a couple of pictures, so did shawn.
"ok there happy? let's go back shawn it's almost 5:30" i tell him getting antsy.
"yes we're good now let's go," he again took my hand in his and we walked to our hotel.

•••

we got back to the hotel, as shawn walked me to my room we looked at each other.
"well that was fun, i hope we get to hang out more," i tell him smiling a bit
"it was fun huh, i don't remember the last time i loosened up like that," he looked down at me, thinking of something and suddenly he blurts out an "i'm sorry" and i was puzzled by what he meant by this. the next thing i know he took my face and pulled it closer to his and kissed me, it was short yet tender.
"shawn i-," i couldn't even compensate what to say.
"i'm sorry i know i shouldn't have, especially when i have a girlfriend, but alice i- i just couldn't help myself. i'm sorry." he apologized, i knew where he was coming from, but he has a girlfriend and i couldn't erase the guilt building up.
"shawn just please go, thank you for tonight." i looked down and entered my room and he walked away with his head down as well.
today was tiring but i enjoyed it except for this last part. i look at myself in the mirror what have i become?
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this is i-