Heartbroken ❥ Dan Howell x Reader

Chapter Four

hello my beautiful babes! Sorry I was away for so long ;-; with my personal life and school coming back so quickly, i have to prioritize other things. if it has been too long, here's a refresher: dan just accused you of being a youtuber (i wonder why he's being so straightforward.... *cough*). this chapter talks (briefly) about panic attacks, so if that's triggering to you, you may want to skip this chapter. anyways, i'll start already...

here you go~

"You don't work for Google, do you?" He asked. "Well, technically indirectly, but... You're a YouTuber... Aren't you?"Dan didn't say this maliciously, he actually said it quite sweetly.

But you still panicked.

Panic attacks weren't anything new for you,
in fact, you had them often. Emma begged you to see a doctor, but that made it feel too real. Like there was definitely something wrong with you. Like you were really broken.

You started to sweat. Hot tears filled your eyes. You couldn't breathe.

Emma knew the symptoms of your attacks, so she knew what was happening. "Look what you've done now!" She snapped. She was a fiercely loyal friend, even if whatever the wrongdoer did (try saying that ten times fast) was an accident. She looked at Dan and Phil, saying, "Can you two wait in the living room?"

"Is she-" Phil started, but was quickly cut off by Dan.

"Let's give her the time she needs, Phil." He said sadly before grabbing Phil's arm and dragging him out of the corridor and into the living room.

"Okay, breath, (Y/n), breathe." Emma comforted you unconditionally, even in your darkest times. However, her friendship to you might have just cost you the chance to have any relationship whatsoever with two of the people you admired most in the world.

"Emma, close the door." You said quietly.

She began to protest. "But you get really claustrophobic when you pan-"

"Close. The. Door." You said quietly. You didn't want Dan and Phil to hear. Emma rushed over to the door and softly closed it. She continued to comfort you until you were back to normal. Then she interrogated you.

"Okay, what the hell is up with you today?" Emma rarely cursed, but she looked like she was about to. "Ever since those two arrived you've been so awkward. More than usual."

"That's Dan and Phil."

"Well I know that-"

"YouTube Dan and Phil."

Emma thought for a moment before responding. "Oh my god!" She exclaimed. "(Y/n) I'm so sorry! I just snapped so rudely at them-"

"Shut up, they'll hear you!" You said under your breath. "It's fine but... Now that they know I do YouTube then they'll undoubtedly watch my shit content and never want to speak to me again..."

Emma matched your volume. "(Y/n), are you insane? Fourteen million people subscribed to you for being quirky, funny, relatable, and so much more. From what I know, your content is eerily similar to Dan's, and, if they, in fact, do watch your videos they'll just get to know you better! There is literally nothing that could go wrong."

She had a point. Multiple, actually. And you wouldn't mind Dan or Phil getting to know you better. "Okay." You sighed. "I'm ready to face them."

*Dan's POV*
How could I be such an idiot? I triggered one of her panic attacks. I knew this happened to her from her mental health discussion video. Why was I so straightforward when I asked her about YouTube? It's so unlike me to be so blunt with anyone, especially someone I admired as much as (Y/n). Maybe it was because I felt like I knew her from lowkey YouTube stalking her..?