Hush, it'll be okay. But is it? How can you move on when you're left with unanswered questions? Does it get any easier? What are you left with?
Robyn Rihanna Fenty as Yana Fenton
Chris Brown as Yuri Bryant
Following little legs as we exited our home we are now running late to work and school. Checking that all the doors and windows are locked, picking up my satchel and laptop bag, I'm struggling to lock up and holding onto my baby's hand at the same time, our routine mornings are always this hectic.
Welcome to my life, a single mother at age 22, trying to make ends meet and ensuring my son has the best upbringing possible. But how can I be a role model to him when all I've done is take him away from family, and most importantly his father? The thought of his father makes my skin break out in hives. He was the love of my life, we had been inseparable since middle school as friends through to high school when our friendship turned romantic. Sadly, that all changed when he became someone I didn't expect. No longer was he the doting boyfriend, texting, calling or even picking me up for school. He had become a jock, conceited and downright rude. He started hanging out with the wrong crowd who were full of themselves with multiple floozies hanging off their every word.
The boy I fell in love with was no longer and to this day I still do not know how things went from happiness to heartbreak within the span of a week. Why didn't I fight for our love? Why didn't he? Why was it so easy for him to let me go? Why didn't I voice what I was going through? Why didn't he believe me? Was our love not strong enough to endure the ups and downs? Is this really the life I want for my son? I never meant for this to happen but it did. So many unanswered questions but where do I start? Am I making my son suffer because I can't move on because of my past? How do I move on? As quickly as I pushed that thought to the back of my mind, my gaze goes back to my son. My pride and joy. My love. My blessing. All these things and more when I think of my son, CJ Fenton.
"CJ, please make sure you've got your bags for practice!" looking down at his hands with two bags he is barely able to stand straight. I can't help but laugh as he drops both bags at his feet. He looks at me with a pout. "Babyboy, come on, let's get you to school." Quickly picking up his bags and running towards the car, his bow legs carrying the heavy load he was carrying. I shake my head at the similarity. He looks excited as he gets settled into his car seat clicking the seat belt lock. "Mama I can do it, see I'm a big boy now." Matching his smile, I start up the car ready to get this day over with. The ride to school was as boisterous as ever with the sound of CJ's singing over the singalong song blasting from the car stereo. I don't know who is louder, me or CJ. I'm not at all surprised at CJ's beautiful harmonizing over the singalong. How does a 4-year-old learn to harmonize? It's mornings like this that I cherish the time we have with each other. CJ's as hyper as he can be during the day. I wonder where he finds the energy...well I can think of the one person who is just as hyper as him.
Pulling into the preschool parking lot, I help CJ out of his car seat and walking towards the gated entrance. Signing him in I pick up the parent newsletters from his cubicle. He's showing me around his classroom and his friends all while explaining to me his pictures and art work displayed on the wall. I'm such a proud mother. Another reminder of who CJ takes up after with his art. I can't seem to get away from all things him! The thought alone brings on a heavy sigh until I'm snapped out of my thoughts by little arms wrapping around my neck.
Looking up into his little face, I smile and I thank God he's mine.
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