Hush, it'll be okay. But is it? How can you move on when you're left with unanswered questions? Does it get any easier? What are you left with?
Robyn Rihanna Fenty as Yana Fenton
Chris Brown as Yuri Bryant
A week had gone by and I'm still contemplating this move to LA. I don't know what I'm scared of but I can't seem to kick this nagging feeling of uncertainty. This thought of now or never is getting louder and louder. My mind is bombarded with thoughts and my anxiety levels are up. I woke up alone in this big house, far too early for me to be waking up in the weekend, there is no jumping on my bed or screaming along the hallway. I need my baby boy around to make loud noises so I don't have to drown in my thoughts.
There's no mad dash this morning but soon it will be if we have to be on the road to go and watch CJ's basketball game. Getting out of bed to shower and dress, I make my way downstairs to make breakfast but it's already on the table ready to be devoured. I say a quick grace before I dive into the eggs benedict and hot coffee. I could get used to this. I'm interrupted by the loud laughter coming through the door as the sound of little feet running towards me with a leap I catch him in my arms "Oh how I missed my baby." I coo.
"Mama are you ready because we are." He looks over at the large frame walking into the kitchen and smiles. "Morning."
"Hey, you, where did you two disappear to?"
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Sitting opposite me my brother starts smiling as he begins to tell me about his short adventures with his nephew "CJ wanted to go to the park, pick up some flowers for you and then we made a quick stop over at my place to get my bags."
"So, have you decided on whether you two are moving to LA?" looking at him I don't have an answer. "C'mon sis, it'll be good for you and CJ."
"Listen, if you need me there to babysit while you do your thing, let me know but you know I'll always have your back."
What would I do without my brother. He's been a godsend since I first moved to New York. My mother never liked the big city but she only stayed because of us. Once she passed I depended on Jace more but as he's just as busy with his modelling and acting career I didn't want to burden him with my issues.
"Thank you bro, I really appreciate your help with CJ and just for being there for me. You know I'm having second thoughts about this trip to LA." Jace still hasn't a clue as to why I abruptly left LA after graduation. He looks at me with raised eyebrows. "Why and don't tell me because you missed me why you all of a sudden decided to run back here." Shit. "I don't want to talk about it Jace, just let it go."
"Now Ana, you know I'll never judge you, whatever you were or maybe still going through you need to let it out. If you're not ready to tell me then that's fine, but sometimes it's good to speak to someone about it, you can't hold it in forever. It'll just eat away at you." He stands up to leave the kitchen and I sit there sighing. Why is it so hard for me to speak on it. Sometimes the unhappy memories flood our minds that it takes over our thought process and we can't do anything about it until it's time to face it head on. I can't seem to get myself comfortable to open up and reveal my feelings and conquer my fears.
