Shhh...

006

Mommy why are we here? Walking into the main hospital corridor holding CJ's hand we look around at the melancholic mood surrounding the waiting area. This would be the first time I've stepped foot into this hospital. During my clinical placements, I never volunteered nor requested that I be placed in any hospital in LA purely due to not wanting to run into anyone from my past. I must be getting punished for all those times of running away that I now find myself smack in the middle of a place I didn't see myself being in anytime soon.

Crouching down to his eye level I explain the reason for our move. I have to consider all things CJ because he will always come first. Before I agreed to this banquet and sabbatical I had to sit him down and explain to him why we were relocating. The first question he asked me was whether I was going to take him to his father of which I didn't' know what to say but luckily Jace was around to add in that we were going to be doing a lot of exciting things and one of them included going to one of his photoshoots. I went further to confirm that I will try my very best to try and see if his father will want to hang out with us. I must be kidding myself because who knows where Christian is. He could be living the high life overseas, married with a million kids spread over the globe to many different baby mommas. Ok I'm exaggerating a bit on that part but who knows. I've prayed long and hard that my son does get the chance to meet Christian and if Christian feels some type of way and not acknowledge my son then he can get the hell away, well to put it nicely. I will not have my son feel neglected and have his little heartbroken just because his father doesn't see it that CJ is his. Please help me God?!

"Baby this is where mommy is going to be working 3 days of the week. I wanted to bring you here so you know where Mommy is if I'm not with you when you get home or if I'm called away on an emergency. I don't want you to worry Mommy is going to make sure that the other 2 days of the week I can be with you, pick you up from school and we can also hang out and do fun things, what do you think?"

"Mommy I would love that but can we go and check on some patients now?"

"Oh, I love you CJ Fenton. You are just cute. Son, what do you want to be when you grow up?"

"Well I want to be a Lawyer, Doctor and a singer. I don't want to do what uncle Jace does by standing there all day looking at a camera."

I couldn't' help but let out a loud chuckle "oh my goodness baby, I think uncle Jace was hoping you'd go into modelling or even be on films like him. Shall I tell him you want to be a lawyer, Doctor and a singer? I want to see his face and what he's going to say hahaha."

"But Mommy I don't want to hurt uncle's feelings. He'll think I'm not his friend anymore."

"Oh, baby boy doesn't you worry about your uncle, he's a big boy, he can handle anything. C'mon let's go and meet my boss. You ready?"

"Yes please. Mommy do you think we will see my Dad while we are in the hospital?"

"Uh, I don't' think so baby, not in a hospital, well I hope not. We want your Daddy to be healthy and ok, ok?" He nodded his face while looking up at me with those big hazel eyes and freckles highlighting his cheeks.

"Now CJ, I don't want you to think too much about that ok? We will work something out. I want you to enjoy being in a new city, and the beauty that is around you. I love you and I'm going to make sure you get to do so many exciting things while we're here. I love you son."

"I love you more Mommy." My heart, I just love this boy so much.

The beeping sounds of the monitors in each cubicle brought me back to the reality of where I'll be. Clinicians talking a mile a minute while orderlies navigate around the hallways pushing patients on beds. CJ's eyes grew big. He was taking everything in as he held on tight to my hand. Around the corner we turned to enquire at the reception desk of Dr Bryant who I'll be reporting to. I was told he will be out in a minute. In the meantime, CJ and I found a seat in the waiting area. He saw a playroom filled with toys and books so he disappeared before I could sit.