Finding the Queen of Old

I...

"Miss me, Su? Pretty little Su.. thinking she's so much better than all the other girls. Pretty little Su... Well, you aren't so pretty now, are you? Look at yourself... You are fooling yourself, Su. What man- what anyone- could put up with you, a girl who acts the victim... You know you wanted that night to happen. You were so bloody drunk by the time I got you home you probably don't remember begging me to take you... If your fiance knew... Pretty little Su, what a doll, what a tease. You had all the boys under your spell...and you chose me..."

"No-!" Susan sat up, clutching the sheets of her bed. Caspian stirred beside her, reaching his arm to turn on the lamp near their bed. Peter had been none too pleased when Susan had firmly stated Caspian and her would be sharing a room along with the baby, but he soon realized it was more for Susan's sanity than for... other reasons. 

"What's wrong?" Caspian asked quickly as the light fell over them.

Susan turned away, curling herself into ball. Her face was buried into her knees, arms crossed around them. 

"Su-" He reached out to put a hand on her should but she flinched. 

"Don't...Don't touch me." Her voice, though muffled by the fabric, was sharp- was a warning. 

"Okay...I won't. Can you tell me what's wrong, love?" 

Susan shook her head, digging her face harder into her knees. "I... I can't. Get Lucy... please get Lucy."

Caspian was deeply worried for Susan now. Hurrying down the hall, he made his way to Lucy's room. He knocked softly on the door, and anxiously waited.

"Wh-" Lucy rubbed her eyes drowsily as she opened the door. "Caspian? Is something wrong?"

"It's Susan... She's... well, she asked for you."

Lucy's eyes widened and she followed after him back to Susan. 

---

What was he doing? It was nearly three in the morning, for Aslan's sake... Edmund shook his head.

"This is foolish...What am I doing?"

His thoughts had been eating at him all day. Leah, Isabela... And now he found himself heading towards Isabela's apartment above the bar. Who makes a social call at three am... People will talk... God above, am I stupid...

Well, it was too late to turn back. He was already in the bar, and all he had to do was go up those few stairs...

He needed her advice, needed help figuring out if what he felt for Leah was anything more than infatuation. He needed her to help him realize if what he thought was love was something far less, or far more. She was good with advice before... but then again, she hadn't kissed him back then either... Would that loom over their friendship forever?

Tentatively, he reached out and knocked on her door. He heard someone moving, then the door opened.

"I told you this isn't a brothe...Oh! Edmund," While her eyes were tired, she still smiled in a teasing way. "Finally going to take me up on my offer?"

Edmund laughed awkwardly. "No..Nothing like that. May I come in?"

Isabela nodded, a small glint of hope in her eyes. Had he realized? "I'd offer you something to drink, but the water's not the best up here..."

"It's okay, I don't need anything...Well, I could use some advice..."

"Ah...well, shoot, Kitten. What's troubling you?" Maybe he still hadn't realized...

"I don't think I ever loved Leah." The words were rushed, but she heard them as clear as a bell.

She hid the tiny smile that threatened to creep onto her face. "Well, why do you think this?"

"Well, I looked at what Susan and Caspian share because what I see between them is like nothing I've ever seen before, and I was thinking about how I really shouldn't have even kissed her in the first place because she had moved on and that was had only flirted and... Why are you grinning?" Edmund crossed his arms. He needed advice, not for her to laugh at him.

"You've finally done it, Ed. You've started to learn your lesson."

He furrowed his brows. "What do you mean?"

"Oh Kitten... you had one last lesson to learn before you could all go back to True Narnia.... and you've started to realize it. Don't you understand yet? You had to realize the difference between love and infatuation.... the next part... Well, I..."

"I... I think I might understand now." Edmund said quietly, locking eyes with her and smiling softly.

---

"Oh Su..." Lucy held her older sister as she dried her tears. Susan had explained her dream, the taunting voice of James echoing around her. "You are safe... we all love you. You have Caspian and us, and your son. No one for one minute blames you for what all happened while you were with him."

"But I picked him. I could've not gone out with him but I did..."

"He's gone. You are safe, and you are loved. Now... Su... Oh Su." Lucy hugged her sister tightly. "We had worried we'd never see you again while we were in Aslan's Country. Do you really think we'd give up on you now, after being here for over a year? I'd have fought tooth and nail to have even had one more moment during those days spent apart from you. And Caspian... you should have seen him, Sis..."

"I chased him off now... Why did I chase him off?"

"You haven't chased him off...I have no doubts he's right outside the door, cradling Alistair and waiting to come in here and make sure you're okay and that you know how much he loves you."

Susan smiled softly at that, though it was barely noticeable. "You're right... You're always right. I should know by now he won't leave, that you won't leave. Thank you for this, sis...I'm sorry I kept you up so long."

"It's alright...I was already awake when Caspian knocked..."

"Is everything okay?" Susan asked, quickly, wondering if something had happened to upset Lucy.

Lucy sighed. "Mr. Tumnus doesn't want to leave here... He says when Aslan brings us back that he will stay until he's reached his days here... I just... I can't picture Narnia without him there again. But I can't make up his mind for him so..."

Susan took Lucy's hand and squeezed it softly. "Have you talked with him about it and told him this is how you feel?"

"Well... we haven't talked since he brought up the idea of staying here..."

"I'd talk with him in the morning...Perhaps he's thought it over more too and realized he wants to go back with us. But whatever his choice, I would hate to see you two let something such as this ruin your friendship. Try to talk it out."

"I suppose that's best, isn't it? Thanks Su...I love you, sis."

"I love you too, Lu."

The younger Pevensie left the room and smiled at the man waiting in the hall.

"She's better... but she's a little fragile still. Tuck Alistair in, and then I think she might want to talk." Lucy whispered.

Caspian nodded carried the sleeping infant back into their room. When Lucy first started comforting Susan, Alistair had fussed slightly so he took him into the hall with him. 

He gave Susan a loving smile then placed Alistair in the crib. He sat next to Susan on the bed, and waited for her to speak.

Her hand reached for his, and she lent her head onto his shoulder.

"I... I don't know if I'm okay yet... but I know I'm loved, and it helps. He... he hasn't been in my dreams in so long I thought he was going to stay gone but he was back."

Caspian kissed her forehead. "I swear he will never get near you again, my love."

"I know..." Susan yawned.

"I love you, Susan."

"I love you too." She said, crawling under the covers. "I..."

She was asleep before she could finish her thought.