Magic|Jesse Lingard

22. forgive me?

"OK... let's go back 8 months"

This was going to be hard.

"As I told Jesse, I was already in a pretty bad place when I came back. When I was in LA I couldn't really handle all the attention and cameras and lack of privacy. I know I should have said something but I just couldn't." I paused to take a breath before continuing

"When I came back, no one really knew who I was... until they realised I was your sister. I knew how to deal with it as I basically was trained in LA but it still got to me. My relationship with Jesse didn't help either."

"I don't get why--"

"Boy, lemme finish" I didn't mean to act like things were good, it just came naturally.

"Anyway, Jesse and I getting together kinds gave me anxiety. Although we weren't public, the thought of eventually become public made me worry about all the attention. When we left for the world cup its was easier as all the attention was on the team and Gareth so no one really noticed me apart from The Sun that made that weird ass article about how good I looked in a footie kit...sorry, I got distracted"

Marcus giggled slightly before speaking:

"I read that, it was a bit weird... But that's The Sun for ya"

I smiled at how he was becoming more relaxed around me.

"So yea, it was all fine and then the confrontation with Jack shook me completely. When it was brought up in the meeting I had a fear that the tabloids must've heard about it as well. I also was knocked by the comments that the woman mentioned. That I wasn't really useful to the team, how I was distracting everyone, how if I never really mattered. It reminded me of how Jack talked to me." I noticed the burn of tears trying to break through

"He used to tell me how I wasn't worth much. I had thoughts that you guys didn't actually want me around. I thought i was in the way, I didn't want to fuck up one of the biggest moments in your career...so I made the decision to leave."

I saw Marcus soften completely

"Aura...I would never get irritated by your presence"

"You were earlier"

"That's different, I thought you were a bitch who took shit for granted and didn't appreciate what had been provided by her by the people who cared most"

"Wow, that was a mouthful. Anyway," I laughed before continuing

"When I got to LA everything was fine. I went back to dance, I had the people I was surrounded by for two years close again. It felt more natural... But then I found out I was pregnant--"

"YOU HAD A KID!" Marcus shouted

I looked at Jesse who looked solemn too:

"Uh, no...I lost the baby 2 months later"

The room went silent.

"Anyway, after...the incident, i kinda became very reserved. I didn't talk to anyone I was living with, only to the people I worked with but even then it was very minimal. I danced more intensely and realised that it helped. I came out of my shell and I knew that I was ready to bring you back in my life."

"So why did--"

"What did I just say about interrupting me"

I heard Jesse snicker in the corner. Both Marcus and I gave him a funny look as if to say "what's your issue"

"Sorry, I just find the Rashford banter hilarious"

I looked over at Marcus who was smiling

"So do I...I missed it"

I smiled back and continued my story

"That picture I posted wasn't meant to offend you, Marcus. That was the last thing I intended on doing. I'm so so SO sorry that I hurt you like this for so long. You're right, I am an ungrateful bitch--"

"No you're not, I shouldn't have said that. I know you more than anyone. You appreciate everything and everyone. I'm sorry of how you felt and I'm sorry I wasn't there for you. I was more interested in stopping you from doing things instead of helping you with your feelings."

"Does...does this mean you forgive me?" I asked hopefully

He was quiet for a bit before replying

"Yes, your my big sister even if only by 10 days. I can't be without you and these few months proved that. I love you Auralee"

We both stood up and help each other tight

It felt good to have my brother back.