Dear Nobody

Entry 7: How I Approached Hazel

7.43 AM
My stomach hurts so bad. I don't wanna do this.

12.00 PM
I zoned out, so I don't know how we were suddenly discussing gender stereotypes.

"Girls are weak, though," Sean said. "Aren't you all scared of spiders and can't lift anything heavier than your MacBooks?"

I wanted to push my chair back, grab it and throw it at him. Or just argue back verbally, but... a verbal argument? You have to think so quickly. Not my thing.

"Personality and lifestyles has nothing to do with genders," Hazel popped up.

Kill him, I chanted in my head.

"Quiet, Ginger," Sean said, earning himself a glare from Lisa Prescott. "I'm not even trying to be a dick, it's a fact that girls don't like sports, are scared of bugs and-"

"Shut up!" Hazel interrupted. "Just how annoying can you be?"

"I have three sisters and-"

New participant: Guy who told me he had a crush on me in, like, 3rd grade.

"Sorry, Sean, but I know for a fact that there are girls who are a lot stronger than you, uh, both mentally and phys-"

"Wow!" Sean interrupted with a laughter in disbelief. "Forget it. I'm done." And then he left, making sure to slam the door as loudly as he could.

Mutters. Thankfully, it sounded like they were muttering about Sean's stupid mindset.

Everyone's different. Everyone. We're just the way we are. Am I getting too pissed? I just don't like the You Are This, So You Are That. People usually don't talk to me unless they have a good reason to, but someone once straight up asked me, "You're Asian, so you're good at math, right?" They asked for help afterwards. I suck at math. So I had to decline. Even if I could've helped them, I wouldn't have.

Jesus. Just stop the generalizations, please? I'll try not to do it either. I hope I haven't done it before. Well, I wouldn't be surprised.

12.32 PM
I'm outside. Had to cool off. Punch a wall. Kick a random ball. Fear the freshmen in groups walking past me.

I'm gonna go sit in the parking lot. Take off my glasses. Breathe in some September air.

3.03 PM
Oh no. I see Hazel walking alone. What are you thinking, Lisa? Have you lost your mind? Jesus take the wheel. Here we go.

"Hazel," I make sure to say loud enough for her to hear me before I jog up to walk beside her.

"Hi!" She smiles.

"I just, uh, you know, in class earlier, what you said to Sean, I thought it was cool of you, to, you know, stand up for, well, all people. So. Sorry. Thanks."

SHIT. That was an unintelligible mess.

Hazel laughs. "Yeah. I just hate when people think like that."

I attempt to smile. "See... you."

"Yup, see you."

RUN.

JESUS. MOTHER NATURE. Why did I do that? I had no dialogue in mind so it just flowed out like a waterfall. Ah. Man. Deep breaths. Well, it's Hazel. She's always been nice. It could be an attempt to conceal her murderous tendencies, who knows. But... okay. I did it. I started a conversation with someone my age who's not Stephanie. Good job, Lisa. Have some confidence next time.