Dear Nobody

Entry 18: How I Tried to Set Myself Free

9.02 AM
Look how late I woke up. I'm so tired. I didn't eat yesterday. I'm almost getting skinny here. All right, to be honest, it's kinda uncomfortable lying on my back because it feels like there's a big hole in my chest. It's funny to feel my hip bones sticking out so much, though.

Humans would look scary without skin.

1.34 PM
No, dear God, I don't wanna go back to school. I'm not making that presentation. I absolutely refuse to do it. I'd rather die.

7.08 PM
My parents asked if I wanted to go to a Mexican restaurant with them but I told them I'm not hungry. False, I could probably eat a whole buffet. Actually, I'm not hungry, but I still want food. I can't believe I said no. Actually, yes I can, it's embarrassing to eat around other people. I look weird and extra ugly when I eat. I'm awkward with forks and knives and can't properly scoop up food unless it's, like, macaroni. I open my mouth and look like Ghostface, and if I'm unlucky, I start drooling because the portion I took is so big it'd touch the skin around my lips and that's a no no. I put the food back down and take a smaller chunk, then chew it. My chin gets red, complementing my lovely pimples. My cheeks are already flushed from embarrassment, and now one side has turned into the size of Jupiter. Everyone in the restaurant shakes their head and clicks their tongue at that peasant who can't even handle cutlery like a Modern Human.

So. I'm home alone. It's getting dark. A bit scary. I'm playing some random Netflix movie so I won't feel completely alone. I have an idea.

7.21 PM
I found my mom's bottle of Tylenol. Oh no, Lisa. What is this bad idea that's developing in the small brain inside your gigantic head? It's an experiment. The label says not to take more than six pills within 24 hours. Seriously? Stephanie once said she took nine because her period cramps were that bad. Poor her. She's actually said that overdosing on Tylenol is basically impossible. Well, only for the ones who intentionally overdose. It's sad that the lives of people who actually want to live are taken away from them.

8.02 PM
I wrote what is probably called a suicide note. I once wrote something that was more like a will, just in case I'd be killed someday. That was so many years ago. It just went, "Hi Mom and Dad. You two and Grandma can have all my money. Please don't throw my teddies away." The one I wrote just now is 2742 words long. What an upgrade! It's addressed to my parents again. To sum it up: I talk about my feelings, who I am, and I ask for them to cake care of themselves and not do anything stupid. Then I thank them for everything they've done for me. Then I apologize for everything I've done to them.

8.12 PM
Ugh. I hate swallowing pills. It's so uncomfortable. I threw up the first time I tried taking one of these. Now now, I have done a little research on this. There can be side effects. Symptoms. If I'm lucky, death. If I'm unlucky... well, don't wanna think about that.

Oh Jesus. My throat hurts. I think I took around 40. I didn't put effort into counting. I just hope it's enough. I don't feel anything right now. My stomach is growling, but that's nothing new.

Wow. So, it's done? I'm getting out? I'm escaping? What do I do now? Sleep? Oh, before that I'm gonna listen to Imagine by John Lennon. Great song to pass away to. If everything goes right, it'll be the last song I hear. And I'm fine with that. I'm gonna tweet something dramatic. "Pour some milk into my coffin" it is. I never interact with the few followers I have, so nobody will care. That's how it is with me. Nobody cares. I'm just some worthless dust particle polluting Earth.

Wow. I feel hope. I feel like I spent 16 years in prison for a crime I didn't commit, and now I'm being released. Is that why I'm crying? It just feels that great to feel free? I feel like I'm floating. Flying. No kidding. I've got wings. I'm free. I'm gonna try to sleep. What are my final words gonna be? It doesn't really matter. I'll just say something I've been wanting to tell someone.

I hope the human race goes extinct and animals will rule this dusty planet.