Dear Nobody

Entry 13: How I Imagine My Funeral

12.03 PM
I don't know why I was so tired during class today. It was so hard to just keep my eyes open. Maybe I didn't eat enough. Yesterday, I ate a sandwich. Was that not enough? It's not like I've been running around or anything. Weird human body.

Oh. Stephanie.

"What's up?" she says.

"Aren't you gonna hang out with your friends?" I ask.

She shrugs. "They're arguing and I don't wanna be a part of it."

Strange, really. Stephanie loves shouting and throwing arguments and insults around.

"How are things with your boyfriend?" I ask.

She grimaces. "Not good."

Excellent.

"Whaaaat, how awful!"

"He doesn't like it when I talk to the other guys, and he gets so jealous all the time!" She grabs her phone and clicks around, then shows me her screen. "Read."

It's Facebook. Stephanie updated her profile picture. It's of her resting her chin in her palm, looking like she's judging me for being ugly. Sean commented "Stunning" with a heart emoji. Then Stephanie replied with a "Thank you" and three hearts. The homophobe left the comment "That's my girlfriend" followed by three heart-eyes emojis. Stephanie replied with a simple "Thanks".

"Did you read it?" Stephanie asks.

"Yup."

"And so Lucas texts me privately and goes off about how it's unfair that Sean gets three hearts when he gets nothing," she says, clicking her tongue. "He's so annoying."

And homophobic.

"So why do you date him?"

"Well, that's what I don't know!" she says, throwing her hands all around. "How could I say no?! It would be so awkward. But I miss us being just friends."

Good thing I'm staying single forever. Forever probably won't even be a long time.

And now Stephanie has started her unwanted When You Get a Boyfriend talk. I swear to God. When will she understand? Never? I guess.

4.02 PM
Today was uneventful.

I wonder what people at school would think if I died. Not died in an accident, but if I intentionally took my own life.

I don't think Stephanie actually gives a damn about me, so she'd probably just go, "Oh, poor Lisa," and blink non-existent tears away.

How about the poppies?Glad that bitch is finally out of the way"? Matilda might think "Well, if she'd died while we were friends, I'd be sad, but she didn't, so". Sean and Adrian? I don't even wanna be in their thoughts. Keep me out of that dirty polluted space.

Don't come to my funeral, any of you. My funeral will be for my parents only. I doubt my aunts would fly here from Vietnam just because I died. I'm not that important. And what's the point? Hm. If the poppies show up at my funeral, I'll jump out of my coffin and personally escort them out. They're not allowed there. I'll curse them. Haunt them. I swear on my grandma's grave.

But what about my parents? Would they blame themselves? I hope not. It's not their fault the world is twisted. As long as they live on and take care of themselves. I don't want them to be hurt.