Louis's only wandered down the corridor, needing to be alone so he can try get his thoughts in order, calm himself down. He's still mad at this frantic urge he has to teach Harry a lesson whenever he disobeys, to really lash out at him, it makes him feel like he has no control and he doesn't understand why it gets to him so much, scaring him and infuriating him at the same time. He left Harry partly just so he could try and get a handle of himself. This was just an experiment, a game, but it's spiralled into something else entirely and he's not happy anymore. It brings temporary relief to punish Harry for his disobedience and he knows that Harry enjoys it but he's just left exhausted and dazed after and Louis misses seeing his face light up, misses seeing that giddy smile he gets when Louis is nice to him. But at the same time there's a part of him that doesn't want to go back, give in; it feels like he'd be letting Harry win and it's stupid, he doesn't want this to be so complicated, it was just supposed to be fun.
He's not sure how long he's been gone but it's only been a little while, more than five minutes but probably less than ten. He just can't figure out what he wants to do when he goes back in there. What if Harry's disobeyed him again, on purpose, just to rile him up even more? What if he's still exactly as Louis left him? Louis clenches his fists. He wouldn't know what to do with either scenario. He usually feels so sure of himself with this, he knows what to do, and he's never taken anything further than Harry could cope with. But what if the reason this has turned into such a mess is because Harry can't cope? It's so weird for Harry to act out like this, Louis didn't even think he was capable of it, and it must mean something, he's not just being a little brat for the sake of it.
Louis wonders if Harry's trying to send him a message and he doesn't get any further with that thought before he's basically sprinting down the corridor back to his and Harry's room, shoving the key card into the slot with such force that he nearly snaps it. It's still dark but he can tell that Harry has moved, crawled under the covers, and there's a sound from the bed, a sort of snuffle that has him instantly panicked, his heart rising up into his throat. He shuts the door behind him and flicks on the dim bedside light before climbing into bed beside Harry.
He leans in gently. "Haz?" he whispers.
"I'm so sorry," Harry gasps out, and Louis realises that he's crying, his voice thick and shaky with it and his nose blocked.
"Haz, no," Louis says, shuffling closer and pressing a kiss to Harry's exposed shoulder. "Babe, it's okay-"
Harry suddenly changes his tone, the weakness of his voice turns into something harsher. "It felt like so long," he says. The guilt churns in Louis's stomach and he feels sick. Harry rolls over now, and Louis can see that his eyes are red and puffy, his cheeks stained with tears. "Why did you do that? You can't do that," he says, urgent now, "just-don't, okay, don't leave me again."
"I won't," Louis promises instantly, nuzzling to kiss Harry's shoulder again, hugging him close. "I swear I won't. I won't."
He holds Harry tight and lets him cry, knows he needs to let it out, and mumbles reassuring nonsense at him, apologising over and over and telling Harry how much he loves him until Harry calms down a little. Louis is beginning to put the pieces together in the back of his mind, seeing how with each kind word Harry relaxes a little more. But then-
"I can't do this," Harry blurts out, pulling back. "I can't...Lou, I, this is-it's not working, I need-"
"What, babe? What do you need?" Louis still feels nauseous, just seeing Harry like this, knowing he fucking caused it and there's this feeling nagging at him, that this isn't all just from tonight, that this is something that's been building and that it might not be something they can recover from. "Talk to me. Please. I'm so sorry."
