Being in love with a straight boy is a straight-up nightmare. Especially if it's been like that for years. But it's even worse when he's your best friend's brother, who has a girlfriend that's there to remind you how straight he is. That's when it b...
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I figured that, if I lay in bed all day, all week, all year, all my life, all the bad things would eventually go away. I would hide under the covers and skip all my classes and avoid all my responsibilities, and after a while, everything would just disappear. All the things I'd done and said would be forgiven and forgotten and it would be like nothing ever happened. It sounded like the perfect solution.
But I knew that was all just a fantasy.
Still, I lay there, miserable, pathetic, self-loathing, with not a single clue how to fix this shitty situation I'd created for myself. I hated myself, Kenny probably hated me, Harriet would definitely hate me if she knew what I'd doe, and I'm sure anyone else in the entire world would hate me if they knew, too.
I'd cheated on my girlfriend and it was stupid and it was unforgivable, and I'd like to say it was 'only a kiss', but a kiss was more than enough. The only one I should be kissing was Harriet! I'd even told her I loved her, for heaven's sake! I didn't even understand myself. I really didn't...
I genuinely, really did love her and I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her and make her happy because a future with Harriet in it was all I'd ever wanted since the day I fell in love with her, so why had I let my confusion overrule that and just... fuck that up?
I don't get it!
I muttered some swearwords to make myself feel better. Not that it did. I didn't want to feel better anyway, because I was a horrible person. I didn't deserve to feel better. Every time I longed to grab a book and read it or to open my laptop and visit my favorite websites and watch the videos the YouTubers I was subscribed to had uploaded, I told myself I didn't deserve it and lay back down to continue hating myself. I deserved to rot in hell.
Only because I needed to pee, I then rolled out of bed and made my way over to the toilet. I then realized I also needed to eat, because I hadn't eaten anything in... I didn't even know how long it'd been... Fuck. Alright, fine. Enough self-hate. I didn't want to accidentally starve myself. Though maybe I deserved that, too.
I reluctantly walked over to the food hall, but not before checking for people I knew, and got myself a sandwich. One of the people that worked there asked if I wanted anything else, but I just smiled and declined politely, because I wouldn't be able to stomach it. I already felt like throwing up.
"Hey dude, you dropped your card."
I turned around to see a guy holding my college card and swore to myself. I didn't even notice I dropped it. That's how out of it I was! When I looked back up at the guy's face to thank him, he was looking at me strangely, but he didn't say anything, so I just held out my hand for the card and said, "Uh, thanks..."
He slowly handed it to me, still frowning for some reason, and eventually replied, "No problem."
I waited for him to say what he clearly wanted to say to me so badly, but he took so long that I ended up nodding my head at him and turned away. And that's when he said, "Wait."
