Being in love with a straight boy is a straight-up nightmare. Especially if it's been like that for years. But it's even worse when he's your best friend's brother, who has a girlfriend that's there to remind you how straight he is. That's when it b...
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Whenever I looked at Mason, all I saw was a boy who didn't know what he wanted. He was interested in too many things. He read more than one book at a time and he was probably in the process of watching more than fifty different Netflix series, because every time he saw something new, he needed to completely immerse himself in it, regardless of how many other projects he already had lying around. And I didn't want to be one of his projects. I wanted to be his only project.
I didn't hate him for it. I couldn't. Maybe I was still too in love with him to be angry, or maybe I was too forgiving to be resentful, or maybe it was just something I didn't have to hate him for because that's just who he was, but whatever it was, I couldn't stop myself from just sitting there, wordlessly, wondering what was going through his mind and why he looked like he had the whole world resting on his shoulders.
After I'd pulled my hand out of his (because it only reminded me of what we could no longer have) and pressed my fingers into my eyes to stop them from tearing up, I started sipping from my coffee as slowly as I could, if only to have more time with him. There was an awkward silence, as expected after a painful breakup, and I foolishly filled it by asking him, "So are you going to win Kenny over now or something?"
He choked on his drink and started screeching about hot coffee going down the wrong pipe, but he didn't reply to my question. In hindsight, maybe that was for the best. I wasn't sure if I even wanted to know.
After coughing for almost a full minute, he started, "Harry..."
"I know."
"I'm not saying yes or no, but I don't think you want to know."
"Yeah... I don't. Just... forget I asked."
He nodded and got up. "I think I'd better go."
"You haven't even finished your coffee yet."
"Oh, uh, sorry. I've... lost my appetite."
"Oh, okay... See you around?"
He let out a sigh and walked around the table and leaned down to pull me into a hug. "Let's just give it some time, alright?"
I nodded, feeling those stupid eyes of mine starting to burn with tears again, and I tightened my arms around him like I used to, squeezing the life out of him. He laughed softly and then moved away with a wry smile, reaching down to wipe away the tear that had escaped my eye. For a moment, he kind of just stood there, looking at me without saying anything. And I knew that we might be able to talk again eventually, but he was right. For now, it was better to part ways. It just slipped out, really. See you around.
So I said goodbye, and he nodded again and left.
And I was all alone in a Starbucks café, hands wrapped around a cup of coffee, staring down at the half full cup that Mason had left behind. I reached across the table to slide his cup towards me and drank both coffees, because it'd be a waste of money. At least, that's the excuse I told myself.
