Being in love with a straight boy is a straight-up nightmare. Especially if it's been like that for years. But it's even worse when he's your best friend's brother, who has a girlfriend that's there to remind you how straight he is. That's when it b...
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In a way, rejecting Jamie was kind of like breaking up with Tessa, but much, much worse. It was like I'd slapped him in the face with a bat. I hated his fake smile and the way my throat constricted when I watched him put on that smile. Perhaps I hadn't even been looking for a way to tell him that we couldn't be together, but for a way not to tell him. Being with Mason had always been a faraway fantasy that I'd relentlessly been hanging onto for no good reason (I was a self-destructive moron, really, let's be honest), and I'd broken up with my girlfriends because I didn't want them to feel neglected because of it. And I didn't want Jamie to feel like that, either. Yet it happened anyway. That fantasy had become a reality and somehow, that didn't only make this harder, but it also made it more real.
Jamie pretended like everything was fine and even told me that I was obligated to find him a new boyfriend, but I knew he was just making jokes to feel better. He was probably more upset than he let on but didn't want to talk about it, so I humored him and joke along, because I wasn't sure if I wanted to face that reality either.
"Sure, I'll find you a really tall, hot guy that you can thirst over," I replied and he scrunched his nose and groaned, "Ooh, yeah, like really, really tall. Maybe even taller than you."
I chuckled at that, because I hadn't met many guys that were taller than me and there was even less chance of them being into guys, but eventually, the jokes were starting to feel forced. I told him that I had coursework to do (which I didn't), because I appreciated that he was trying to be supportive and all, but nobody could be completely unaffected by a breakup, no matter how deep into the relationship they'd been. And we'd been pretty deep into it. Disregarding the lack of the actual romantic part of it all, it probably doesn't get much deeper than being friends while having sex with each other. Looking back on it, we probably never should've done that. We should have just stayed friends.
"Yeah, sure. Coursework." Jamie turned around as he stood by the door and gave me a little smile.
"What?"
He shook his head. "Nothing. Send me that video you were talking about. I'm gonna watch it and cry myself to sleep."
"Jamiieee," I groaned.
"I'm jokiinggg," he returned in the same whiny tone.
"Are you?"
He rolled his eyes. "I'm not that sad."
"Okay..."
"I'll send you a picture of myself if I cry. But I won't cry."
I narrowed my eyes at him.
"You won't get a picture."
I got no picture. Even way past midnight, when I was sure Jamie had already gone to bed, there was, thankfully, still no picture, but I couldn't go to sleep anyway. I could only lie there, wide awake, staring at the ceiling. What now?
